The Buggy Graham Family

The Plan, and finally a photo from the Concert

2011-03-22T10:52:00.006-07:00

First, here is the one picture I've found so far from the concert of me singing "The Winner Takes it All." See, I wasn't lying about being the concert. Are you loving the arms, though? It looks as if I was finger painting or perhaps the xerox machine exploded or something. (By the way, do xerox machines still exist?)

About The Plan, what can I say? I LOVE being in this show. The cast is really incredible. There is not a weak scene or a weak link in this production. Eric's writing is fantastic, the space is deliciously intimate, and though I was quite daunted with the role of Bathsheba when I was first cast, I love it so much now. What a ride my scene is! If you are local, please let me know if you want to see it. It will close on April 2nd and runs Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evenings with one matinee this Saturday the 26th. It's is about as good as any production I've ever been, and it's better than many projects I've done. Again, for those interested in attending, here's the Covey Center link for The Plan.

I should run to wake Mimi from her nap and get Aidan off the bus in 15 minutes (and I'm sure a bathroom trip for Ian would be wise), but I hope to post photos and anecdotes from the show before long.

Concert Recap and A New Project

2011-02-03T12:49:00.001-07:00

I promise that I will post pictures of the Syd Riggs concert if I can ever get my hands on some, but I thought I'd give a little recap and share about my next escapade.

The concert was just an awesome experience! I remembered that I had such talented friends in college, but I think I forgot how good they really were. The host was Jenny Frogley, who I had met briefly once but did not know personally. She has fabulous pipes and is super, super nice. I really hope to see her perform again sometime, and I have my fingers crossed that I'll be invited to participate next year in the concert (which I'm sure she'll host again).

One of my old college friends in the show was Chris Higbee, who sang "Anthem" from Chess and "Bring Him Home" from Les Mis. He was, is, and has always been thoroughly amazing. In fact, he is so amazing that he came within inches of being cast as Jean Valjean in the National Touring Company of Les Miserables. Alas, he was considered too young for the role. It's a little bit of a shame, because he really would've been amazing. But he has a wonderful career in business and managament (doing something great currently with the Deseret News), and he and his wife Katie have a wonderful family and a great life together.

Another great, uber-talented pair are Allison and Brian Clark. I hadn't known that Brian had actually toured with Les Miserables playing the role of Javert, which explains his thoroughly awesome performance of "Stars" (one of my favorite songs from that show). Seriously, I remembered that he was good, but not that good! Go Brian! And he and Allison gave an hysterical performance of "A Song Like This" from Spamalot. Delightful! I must also mention other amazing school-fellows and their pieces Kathryn Matis-Adams (a rocking out and funny "Find Your Grail" from Spamalot), Michelle Gardner (a feisty and flawless "Don Juan" fromSmokey Joe's Cafe), Amanda Crabb (a beautiful, heartfelt rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" despite having a terrible cold - BTW, she's an alto in MoTab), and Nicole Riding (singing "Trouble" - I think- from Smokey Joes Cafe and a FACE MELTING "No Good Deed" fromWicked as well as another solo from Rent). What amazing talent I was associated with at BYU! It really was nostalgic to see and perform with them.

The performance that moved me most was the song "I'm Here" from The Color Purple, sung by Josephine Dinnell. Oh. My. Goodness. It was SO powerful! I was a sucker for the film as a teenager (saw it dozens of times), and so I'm familiar with the basic storyline (at least to the film version). That song is touching in the musical, but never as much as it was when Josie sang it. I think it almost helped that I was backstage watching and could hardly hear the piano, because for me the song is all about Celie standing up for herself after a life-time of severe abuse and neglect and saying that she is beautiful and loved and worth it. I was so moved that I was whimpering as I cried. Honestly, just thinking about Josie's voice, honesty, and vulnerability gives me goosebumps and makes me tear up. It was so lovely!

But let's admit, you're here to hear about me, aren't you? Ha ha!! Just joking. But seriously, I was so nervous about how my song would work out. When Ben and I decided on "The Winner Takes It All," we put ourselves into a bit of a pickle. The song is very long and somewhat repetitive, and Ben was unable to find a track that he liked for the show. In addition to that, I was unimpressed with the ending. As you know, the original radio version fades out - not very workable for live theater. And frankly, I don't like the ending in either the movie or the actual show. Finally, I was not going to have any back-up vocalists, and I didn't really want any. So I was pretty unsure how I was supposed to rock it out.

So my answer was to strip the song down and just sing it with a piano. I shortened a couple of the choruses, moved some lyrics around, changed the ending, and when it was done it was a vulnerable song performed as a monologue with a passionate, very belty ending. My final chorus of "The Game is on again" etc. was somewhat ad-libbed with vocal licks and runs, and my last "The Winner Takes it All" popped up to a long, loud, held out D flat. (Ben did say to rock out, right?) I was wearing a yellow flowery halter-top dress with no shoes and simple make-up and slightly frizzy hair. (For some reason, I was thinking SNL's Loraine Newman, but not quite as hopped-up looking.) :) It was very fun!

We had technical difficulties in the first performance when my head-mic didn't work. Some of the audience members were laughing because it was so uncomfortable for a second or two (they thought they were uncomfortable!). Then LOVELY Jenny Frogley ran out from the wings with her hand mic and told me that we should start over. So we did, and though I didn't love the hand mic thing, it went fine. The second show was much better. That time my head-mic did work, and I was able to give the full performance with my hands free to really act out the song. I hope the somehow I'll find video of one or both performances, and if I do I will post it. Despite the challenges, I felt pretty good about it, and I got wonderful compliments all around.

So what next? I'm in a show! I've decided that I'd like to fit one full show a year into our lives, and I'm very excited about this show. The play (not a musical) is called The Plan by Eric Samuelson, and if we can do justice to the material, it will be something very special. Eric is hands down my favorite LDS playwright. I've always loved the quality of his writing, but nothing I've read of his has ever moved and impressed me the way this play does. It is a series of short plays/long scenes featuring the following people: Gaia (a premortal Eve) and Lucifer, Bathsheba and David, Ruth and Boaz, Leah and Jacob, Rahab and Joshua, and Eve and Adam (on Eve's deathbed). The cast is just wonderful, and I will be playing Bathsheba.

This is no My Turn on Earth or Saturday's Warriors. Eric's material is thought provoking and asks powerful questions. And, for me at least, the closing scene with Adam and Eve is genuinely spiritual. I hope that a lot of friends and family who are local will come and see this, because I really believe it's going to be amazing and powerful. If you are interested in seeing more about it, checking the running dates, and possibly purchasing tickets, here's a link to the Covey Center website. It's a very small space, so if you would really like to come, it might be wise to buy tickets early and online. I can't remember the exact number, but I think there are less than 40 seats in the house. But that means that audiences won't miss a word and every seat will be great! And oh how I love acting in a big black box!!!! So please check it out and mark your calendars!

That's all for now, but I'm hoping to post some pics of family and the concert very soon!

I'm in a concert!

2011-01-20T18:48:00.005-07:00

Last Friday, I got a phone call that made me just giddy. Every year, a director/producer/choreographer named Ben Tichy pulls together a huge concert of musical theatre pieces. It's all to create a scholarship fund for some Orem High senior who wants to pursue theatre in college, and it's kind of in memory of the late Syd Riggs. She was an amazing drama teacher at Orem High, and she was a pretty terrific woman.

I never did work with Syd, but like many I knew her. If you met her, she became your friend. I understand that she was a terrific drama teacher, not unlike my amazing high school drama teacher, Beverly Blanchette. She was also truly awesome and has gone on to greatness in performing arts education in Florida.

As I said, I never did work with Syd, but I wanted to. I auditioned for a Christmas show she was directing the year that I was a Young Ambassador. None of the YA's were cast that year, and my rejection letter pointed out that there were scheduling conflicts. (They actually sent me a letter! That was great!) But Syd was complimentary of my audition at the time, and on a few occasions when we'd see each other we'd express a mutual desire to work together. Finally one summer, I was attending a master class at Sundance, and she and I visited in the party that followed the event. She mentioned that she was directing the musical Jane Eyre soon. I LOVE that show, and I believe I'd be a good fit for a couple of roles in the play, including Jane. I shared my insecurity about being a bit overweight and approaching 30, and I commented that there was a tremendous amount of talent in the area. Because she's so awesome and so nice she said, "But there aren't as many really great actresses as you think, Dianna." I took it as a compliment and an invitation of sorts to audition.

Unfortunately, life happens and things don't always work out, and that's okay. I planned on auditioning, despite my insecurities. But within weeks of the audition, my husband received a wonderful promotion that was also going to amount to a bit more stress, and he sheepishly asked me to consider not auditioning. I wanted to support my husband, so I didn't. A month later I decided to check out the CD of the musical, and as I listened to each song, I just burst into tears. It was one of those shows that I would've fit into so well. I still think it's unfortunate that we couldn't work it out somehow, but I'm glad that I could support my husband just the same.

That was around 2003. Two years later, Syd Riggs passed away. I don't know all of the details. I think that it was due to some unforeseen complications follow foot surgery. Life is strange, but I guess when you're such a wonderful person and you've finished your mortal work, God might find a strange way to take you home. I understand that it was a terrible shock to everyone in her life.

I want to say this. Syd was apparently a great teacher, and she was a great talent. But what I admired most about her was that she was clearly a great wife and mother and a generally wonderful person. She seemed to have a terrific relationship with each of her children who I knew, which is really saying something of the kind of nurturer that she was. And she was a great nurturer to so many other people. As I've shared, even though I never worked with her, she was very encouraging to me as a person and as an artist. It really is a wonderful way to be, and I believe she probably felt great peace when she went Home.

So, about the concert, if you or anyone you know are free on Saturday at 6:00 PM or 8:30 PM, it is really going to be a terrific show. There are so many amazingly talented performers in it, and the director is crazy talented as well. I'm so excited to be singing "The Winner Takes It All" from Mamma Mia. If you come, be sure to say hello afterward! (Well, I think I'll be able to come out and say hello. At least I know I can after the 8:30 show.)

Anyway, tell your friends!

Fair Thee Well, Facebook

2011-01-11T23:41:00.003-07:00

I just quit Facebook. Yes, I officially deactivated my account, but I did something even crazier, more permanent. I literally went into the profiles of each of the people I care to stay personally connected to, and I copied and pasted their contact info into a spreadsheet. Then I deleted them as a friend until I had no friends whatsoever. Am I crazy and weird or what?

But if you know me, then you know that I don't do things halfway. When I'm zealous, I'm pretty much so. (Though I want to make it very clear that being zealous about things, such as religion or politics, does not excuse people to be mean and stinky. Is that clear?)

Anyway, I'm serious about this whole rejecting Facebook thing. Well, for me, I'm serious. It's a great idea for other people. Say, people who have jobs that take them out of their homes and keep them busy. I'm very busy, but in a very different way. I can sit and feed my baby a bottle and, should I choose to, I can pull out my iPhone and check email or surf the net. Cool, but a little sad. Because there's this really cute, fuzzy person in my arms who I can disconnect from in an instant.

And I have some really successful friends who are doing exactly what I once dreamed of doing. Now I want to make another thing very clear. I've chosen this path of stay-at-home-momhood for myself. It was not forced upon me. These monkeys need care, and I may as well be giving them care since no one can love them the way I can. And happily some new aspirations are forming as I've step away from theatre a bit. I see more potential for myself than to just be a performer.

But that doesn't mean that I find it easy all of the time. And when it gets really stressful or tedious or occasionally even boring (gasp), it's so easy to seek out a distraction. And then I see all of these people having (evidently) a wonderful time and tremendous success pursuing what were once my dreams while I scurry around trying to find a lost sippy-cup full of milk. Well, that all can just lead to Discontent. And a discontent mom, while being human and natural and not the end of the world, can make for sad kids who feel unwanted.

So you see now the logic behind my rash decision? Yes, I will miss the hysterical anecdotes about my friend's genius daughter who I'm convinced will someday be a NYTimes collumnist. I will miss the photo albums that only load halfway with extremely dated photos of my friends and I wearing poofy bangs. And I will miss the almost Jane Austen-esque (or Conan O'Brian-esque) lessons in wit that I got from some other friends.

I will not, however, miss the News Feeds, when FB randomly tells me that I'm supposed to care about so-and-so today because I haven't found the time to scroll through my friends list to hide them from the News Feed. I won't miss the Farmville invites (no offense people!). I won't miss the feelings of jealousy toward 30 of my friends who attended a big party that I wasn't invited to (which is okay since I haven't seen most of these people for 10+ years).

No, as I deleted the names and deactivated the account, I felt a sense of relief spread through me. It's going to be okay. To my friends who I wanted to update with my contact info, I started an email with the following:

"I feel as if I’ve just spent a very long time at a cocktail party, and it’s time for me to leave my card and get my coat."

I do indeed. Mine's the black leather with the faux-fur lining. Thank you. :)

"Oh, the silly little things we worry about."

2010-04-07T16:31:00.004-07:00

The above is a quote from a friend's blog. That friend recently gave birth to a beautiful little girl with Down Syndrome. What an amazing, humbling experience it has been for her so far. I know little of the current details of her life (it's probably just newborn craziness), but I was so touched by her account of her daughter's birth. Like me, she had been disappointed with her first birth experience, which was a very high-intervention birth and where her son was born covered in mechonium. For this second birth, her main focus was to have a safer, low-intervention, low-pain (I'm assuming hypnobirth) experience. Then, when her daughter was born, she and everyone else immediately noticed that her daughter's eyes were different from the typical baby's eyes. She had been advised that, based on a prenatal screening, there was a 1 in 23 chance that the baby would have Down Syndrome (she had opted out of having amniocentesis). Before long it was confirmed.

In her blog post, after describing her aspirations to birth unmedicated, she said the above - "Oh, the silly things we worry about." I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I guess in my head I thought, "Oh the silly things we mourn over." As I've struggle over my own disappointments with nursing and have felt ungrateful for my weak body, I've also looked around and remembered that I'm surrounded by women who've faced much more serious challenges and who complain a lot less than I do. I have friends and neighbors who cannot have children or whose children have major health issues or disabilities.

Not only do they complain less, they rejoice more. Instead of focusing on the trial, they see God's miracles in response to the trial. My friend's daughter may have Down Syndrome, but she will have a wonderful life and accomplish amazing things, and she must be a very special person. These are definitely the last days, and Heavenly Father has saved some of the choicest spirits to be born. Some of those spirits are so choice that they only need to come to earth to gain a body, and some of them have either short mortal lives and/or will be innocent and incapable of sin. Such thoughts might bring little comfort when someone is in the midst of rightful despair, but when someone is filled with faith and hope, it can bring great joy to them.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, and I have little personal experience with death and disabilities so far. I don't long for such experiences. But I do know that, because of the Savior and His resurrection, death and disabilities will be conquered, and that should bring so much joy to all of us.

Nursing probably won't mean much in the next life. :) But as I mourned over the disappointments with it, a good friend reminded me that infirmities, great and small, are all a result of the Fall and will be resolved through the resurrection of Christ. How timely it is that we just celebrated Easter! He lives, and through Him all will live again and be whole.

So I hereby resolve to try a little better to rejoice in the miracles and have more peace with the trials. And, really, who couldn't rejoice over such miracles?

Cherishing Motherhood

2010-03-24T11:58:00.011-07:00

Here she is! Mira Lovisa Graham was born at 12:09 AM on February 17, 2010. She was 20" long and weighed 8'12". I promise to have more and better photos soon, but here are some glimpses of our Mira with her siblings and by herself. If you're a facebook friend, please forgive the repeats.

Mira is a sweet, tender-hearted little girl, and we love her so much. When you are bonding with her, she looks deep into your eyes, and she's seems very perceptive and almost thoughtful at times. More than any of my other babies, she seems rather sensitive to light and other stimulus, which has been a little challenging at times with all of her admirers. Still, she's becoming more accustomed to all of the excitement, and we are enjoying getting to know her more and more.

Becoming a mother of four has been, hands down, the most humbling experience of my life. I have never done anything to deserve such a privilege, and I'm mindful of how blessed I am to have 4 healthy little monkeys entrusted to David and me. I'm confident that so many could do this better, just as so many were better missionaries than I was and are more deserving of the blessings I enjoy. Oddly enough, God doesn't always measure out responsibilities based on skill or qualification. It amazes me how he often puts great, difficult, humbling works into the hands of the least qualified with the promise that He'll assist us in our work.

Of course, if you're anything like me, then you might often forget that He will assist you. Or you might have difficulty seeing His assistance as you receive it. I'll try to work on this.

Where is this coming from? Well, there is one thing that has always eluded me in some way and which hits a very sore spot in my heart. Well, of course motherhood is one thing, silly! But, no, this thing is smaller and is less significant, and yet my experiences with it have brought disappointment and pain that run deeper each time I've encountered it. I can only rejoice in the fact that I'll never encounter it again (unless I'm mistaken and there is another spirit waiting to join our family. But, no, I believe we're done). The thing I'm talking about is: breast-feeding.

Family members and good friends are probably rolling their eyes in unison, and I'm sorry to bring it up. I don't plan to ever again on this blog, and I'll try to stop bringing it up in conversations with friends, family, or even a whole Relief Society class. :) But nursing has been one of the most humbling challenges I've tried to tackle in my life, and it's something over which I've shed many, many tears.

Let me explain why it's so emotional. You see, when I had Sophie, there were so many difficulties with nursing. I had poor education, poor obstetrical care that affected my ability to produce a good milk supply, a small but annoying health issue, etc. There were enough issues and I made enough mistakes from the beginning that when Sophie was 6 weeks old, she refused the breast, and I stopped fighting to make nursing work. I pumped until she was 3 months old and then let go, and she was a happy, healthy bottle-fed baby. With Aidan, I didn't make the same mistakes, my body worked better, and I was determined to overcome whatever obstacle came my way - for four months at least. Our bout with yeast (which we had also had with Sophie) was brief and quickly resolved. And when we learned that Aidan had a dairy sensitivity so dramatic that he had bloody stools, I stuck it out and avoided dairy for the next few months.

At 4 months, though, I was exhausted, starving, struggling with post-partum depression, and dying for sleep. After much consideration and prayer, we switched Aidan to the bottle, and he and I both thrived better. I was grateful to have nursed him for that long, and I forgave myself for the mistakes I made with Sophie.

When Ian came, I hoped to pass four months, but I only made it to two months. He was a sleepy eater, had a dairy sensitivity as well (though not quite as dramatic as Aidan's), he gained slowly after the first month, and again I found myself anxious and overwhelmed. When David had a two day business trip, and Ian had begun wanting to feed every 1 1/2 hours for a good week, I broke down and offered him a bottle. We weaned him shortly after, and again he and I both thrived better. I was grateful to have done the first two months. I'm sure I mourned a bit, but Ian quickly started sleeping amazingly, and I couldn't mourn over that. So we moved on, and he was a happy baby.

With Mira I think a part of me had been convinced that if I could have an uncomplicated birth (for a change) and nurse a baby right away, we'd have a better start, the baby would nurse better, my supply would be stronger, and we'd have avoided half of the problems. So I was very focused on Mira's birth, and I failed to analyze the challenges of my previous experiences and really come up with a specific plan to avoid them in the future.

I could've hired some help for the first weeks to make life less stressful. I could've planned out my diet better, because I knew (and was right) that the baby would be sensitive to dairy (plus dairy fosters yeast in those prone to it). I could have wall mounted the pressure gate sooner to keep Ian in more control during feedings. I could have read a good book on nursing (I had hoped to get one). I could've pumped after each feeding for the first two weeks to get my milk flowing better and ensure a good milk supply. I could've called a friend and gotten childcare when we hit some bumps with Mira so that I could see a lactation consultant and bombard them with questions. I could've tried to get out of the house more earlier on, because the isolation of the first weeks (and being underclothed and chilly in mostly dark rooms most of the time) was not helpful for my emotional state. I could've done so many things differently to make nursing work better. As they say, "Coulda, woulda, shoulda."

But I didn't, and so between the 40 minute sleepy feedings, the dairy sensitivity, the shooting pains in my breasts from another case of intraductal yeast, the adequate but less impressive weight gain for Mira (and startling weight loss for me), and my overall anxiety and depression shooting through the roof while my energy tanked daily, we decided that it would be better for everyone if we switched her to a bottle. I felt sad but resigned after praying over the matter. I considered pumping my milk, and I even got up the first night to pump. But I knew that just lactating put such a strain on me, and the dietary limitations and the yeast issue would persist, at least for awhile. I felt that it would be best to just let go.

I know gradual weaning is best, and I wish I had chosen that instead. I had three days of terrible engorgement, and on the forth day I woke feeling tender but improved. Then my mourning began.

That was two and a half weeks ago, and now it comes in waves. When I can eat ravioli or peanut butter, sleep through her one night-time waking while David gives her a bottle, go out for more than an hour alone, or confidently snuggle and sooth her fussiness without questioning if she has gotten enough to eat, I rejoice in bottle feeding her. I love to look into her eyes while she feeds. I love that in 20 minutes or less, she's full and we can just enjoy being with her. I like how she has filled out more, and I'm not as stressed when she takes long naps (she is quite the sleeper!). I know that David is happy to bond with and care for more and to give me more relief and freedom.

I just wish I hadn't quit so soon, and there is nothing that I can do about it. When I see other women nursing, I regret knowing that, while it was problematic and challenging, I could still have nursed her. I had a choice, and I chose to quit at 2 1/2 weeks! Two days after we switched her to a bottle, every one of her siblings came down with an awful cold. I came down with the same cold a week and a half later. I could've done more to protect her from illness, and now all I can do is take good care of her and be a hand-washing, distance, and cleanliness Nazi. She just started doing this little cough, and I have no idea if it's the beginning of a cold or just her making new sounds. We'll just have to see.

Relactation is not an option. Even if it were medically possible, such a task would be more strenuous on my family, Mira, and me. I believe our family is complete. There will be no more chances, and another chance would undoubtedly have all of the same challenges arise, I know it. Besides, you don't have babies just for a chance to nurse again.

There is no turning back. I wish I could stop looking back. I know that I need to.

Sometimes we have disappointments, either inflicted upon us or resulting from our own choices, that we cannot undo. How humbling it is that only time and prayer can heal that wounds that result.

This is small, I know it. There are harder trials and bigger mistakes. As I shared before, I forgave myself for the Sophie nursing mistakes with Aidan, because my illusions about nursing were gone forever. I knew that, even when you can make it work, it's not some Utopia of motherhood. It's still work and sacrifice for many/most women.

I believe that Mira will be fine, and I hope we can keep her from getting sick while she's such a vulnerable little newbie. But this experience has taught me that opportunities are to be cherished. I had a limited opportunity, and I gave it up a little sooner than I think I should have. Last night, as I was holding Mira and gazing at her, what small amount of milk I still have let down (not even enough to leak), and I was reminded of what it was like to nurse her. I started crying, and when David asked what was wrong, all I could say was, "I wish I had cherished the experience more."

David patiently responded, "Let's try to cherish this." Sound advice indeed.

Long Time No See...

2010-01-06T20:26:00.007-07:00

If you are reading this, then you are too cute and thank you so much. I wouldn't have blamed people for never reading my blog again seeing as it has been over two months since I've updated it. Anyway, I'm back to give updates and be my pensive self. Alas I only have one photo at my fingertips today, but that should suffice, right?

First of all, Happy New Year!! We had a wonderful holiday season this year. Halloween proved to be a three day event between the ward costume party, trick or treating at David's work, and the actual day. The kids picked some cute costumes as usual. Sophie chose to be Hannah Montana (since she has the perfect hair for it and adores Miley Cirus - I know...). Aidan picked out the most adorable Mario costume, which was unsurprising considering his infatuation with Wii. Actually it's an obsession, but we are dealing with it as best as we can. :) And Ian was a simply delightful Buzz Lightyear.

Of course, according to David's and my usual trend, we decided at first that life was too crazy to try and pull costumes together. Then we got too excited at the last minute and decided we had to share in the fun. Since this is our last baby, we didn't want to miss a chance to utilize the pregnant belly. So on the day of the church party, I dragged the boys to DI to pick out the cheapest and silliest looking wedding dress I could find; and we made a quick stop at Walmart to buy a toy shotgun. Here's the whole family:

By the way, shotgun wedding costumes make an interesting joke at a church party. I mean, it's kind of suggestive, but not. You know? Anyway, we still thought it was a fun idea.

For Thanksgiving, we took a long awaited trip back east to see some family. Though we traveled twice last year and I had originally promised myself that I wouldn't travel during this pregnancy (I've traveled during every pregnancy and didn't love it), all of my grandparents live in the same general area (well, if the "area" includes Rhode Island, New Jersey, and New York), and they are each declining somewhat. So I felt that we should take advantage of what was likely our last chance to see them in this life. The trip went pretty well, though it finally hit me hard that we really can't afford to continue to travel by air as family. It's too expensive and way too easy to overstay your welcome (I totally booked too long a trip). I'll just leave it at that.

We did enjoy seeing some wonderful relatives. We stayed with my father and step-mom for most of the trip, but we did take a two day trip to meet up with my Mom in Philadelphia (the most interesting "halfway point" between us). We had the chance to see Nonnie, my step-grandma, a couple of times, and that was very special. She's probably one of the sweetest people you could ever meet in your life. On our last full day before returning home, we went with my father and step-mom to Long Island to see a bunch of wonderful relatives (it really was a treat) and to visit my Grandma Mary at the nursing home where she lives. Grandma Mary is wonderful, and though she has declined quite a bit and has difficulty communicating and understanding what's going on, she's as beautiful as ever. It was so wonderful to see her with the kids, when her communication would suddenly improve greatly. All in all, it was a long but very special and meaningful day.

Despite all of the excitement of Thanksgiving, it really felt wonderful to be home for the holidays, especially as my belly has continued to grow and my fatigue has been increasing. We did have a wonderful Christmas though! Lots of wonderful family time and some yummy food. And we felt that we got a little bit closer to being able to have a spiritual Christmas as well. One of the highlights was a very special nativity performed on Christmas eve by all of the kids. Sophie got to play Mary, and Aidan was an extremely handsome (albeit shorter than Mary) Joseph. The kids did a wonderful job, and there was a lovely spirit as we sang a few hymns together. I think it was one of our most special Christmases yet.

After the Christmas holiday we had some winding down time, a fun evening of visiting with some of David's extended relatives who came into town, and a low key New Year's Eve together. For Aidan's birthday on the 2nd, we originally planned to head up to Salt Lake for lunch at California Pizza Kitchen and a few hours at the Discovery Gateway, but due to 4 out of 5 family members suffering with a cold at one stage or another we postponed the trip for this coming Sunday. Still, we made the most of Aidan's birthday with lunch at Osaka, our favorite Japanese restaurant (though the service was a little off that day), lots of Wii, a nice dinner at home, and cake and a movie before bedtime. We had a great day. Again, it was just so great to be together just as family. We feel so blessed to have each other.

As for January, it has thoroughly kicked our butts. :) But seriously, January will probably always be fairly hectic for us (lots of birthdays, check-ups, vehicle registration, etc), but this one has been one for the books. Add to our usual roster an impending baptism on February 6th (Sophie), colds for each of us (a persistent one for Aidan), one case of bronchitis (David's), weekly check-ups with midwives, a very pregnant mother in the house, and a moderate case of pre-childbirth anxiety, and you've got yourself a very interesting month. At least the month is almost over, and we've kept our heads through most of it (with the occasional meltdown from someone in the family - and really, not just me, I promise).

So our next post will contain some lovely photos of our new daughter Mira and memories of Sophie's baptismal day (which will hopefully not need to be rescheduled last minute with Mom and baby sister in the hospital). If you have a prayer to spare, we'd be grateful!

Two crazy, eventful weeks...

2009-10-08T21:00:00.006-07:00

Well, first, the good news: We're having another girl!! Isn't that fun?! Sophie was a delightful baby, and we're sure her baby sister will be just as lovely and fun. Just as a hint at how she might look (if she's anything like her big sister - and so far the kids tend to look very similar), here's an old favorite of mine:

Isn't that tender?

Anyway, the ultrasound also showed a healthy looking heart, brain, spine, etc. (in as much as they could tell). We always get very anxious about the baby until the movements become consistent and until we've had the ultrasound. We feel very blessed that she looks well so far. We hope she'll continue on that way. We have a few thoughts on names, but we're open to any suggestions.

On the day following the ultrasound and the exciting news, however, we had a day full of stress and sadness. Our little Ian broke his leg. I know, it's terrible, and I was very humbled in knowing that I wasn't watching him better. He was playing in the kitchen and sitting backwards in one of the dining room chairs with his legs through the space in the bottom. The chair then fell back and pinned his legs. I was upstairs gathering laundry, distracted by something stressful and taking too long to gather things, when I heard the crash. I knew from his cry, the position of his legs, and the look on his face that I'd blown it. We got him in to his doctor who referred him for an x-ray at the hospital. It wasn't a terrible fracture (as if any fracture in the leg of a 15 3/4 month old is anything but terrible). It was a small "buckle" in his right tibia. Dr. Zollo got him into a splint that day, and we were scheduled to see an orthopedic doctor a week later to get a cast, which he'd probably wear for 6 weeks. The good news, to our surprise, was that the doctor took a good look at the x-ray of the fracture, examined the great splint Dr. Z had done for him, and determined that 3 weeks should be sufficient time for the fracture to heal. He also felt that the splint was good enough that a cast would be unnecessary. So we are scheduled to come back next Thursday, October 15th, and Dr. Schow will x-ray Ian's leg to see if it has healed. He hopes that Ian will be well enough to be without the splint from then on. We all hope so. Ian has done very well considering, but he misses his freedom (as he daily demonstrates by walking around on his splinted leg - Dr. Schow said this is okay). We miss his skinny right leg and being able to bathe him without plastic bags over his leg. (And Ian tends to have a number of messy diapers a day, and frequent rinsing/bathing usually helps...)

I guess that's what has gotten most of our attention these past couple of weeks. It has been humbling. We are blessed, and Ian's broken leg was a wake up call that I often allow myself to get distracted from what's most important and focus on less important matters. We/I can just count our blessings that his injury wasn't worse.

On a lighter note, I read a fabulous book called The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. If you find European culture and history interesting, and if you like vampire novels, you might really enjoy this one. The writing is fantastic, and the storyline is told in such a creative, fascinating way. And, no offense to Twilight fans, this book is no Twilight. This book eats Stephanie Meyers and her whole series for breakfast - no joke. Bram Stoker's Dracula (which is mentioned repeatedly in this book), while being clever and fun and a novelty for its time, is a snack next to this one. The Historian is just over 900 pages long of relatively fine print, and I'm not the quickest reader I know. So it took me about 9 days to get through it, but I LOVED it. It's definitely a new favorite of mine, and I expect to read it many times more. If you ever read it, I'd love to hear what you think of it.

Lastly, I finally made a start on my speed-reading class this week, and I'm hopeful it will help. I'm very interested in getting a masters degree someday, and I think I'll need to be a better reader if I'm to prepare for the G-SAT, etc. My only complaint is that I'm supposed to do much of the next assignment sitting at a table or desk with both feet on the floor, finger tracing while reading at least 30 minutes a day for 5 consecutive days. I never read sitting at a table. It's always in my bed, and frankly I'm pretty pooped in the evening (which is the only time I'll be able to commit to the course). But I must finish the course before the holidays hit in full swing, or I'll be in big trouble with BYU Independent Study. Well, either that or I'll have lost $40 and won't be any faster a reader. Either way, I need to get cracking!!

Oh Autumn, where are thou?

2009-09-16T11:26:00.003-07:00

This post won't really be about my looking forward to Autumn (though, really Autumn, what's taking you so long?!), but it seemed as good a title as any. Actually, I'll just give a little update and maybe emote a little.

So we are now 19 weeks along, and this baby's movement is subdued so far. Am I expecting too much? I don't know. I've just heard too many miscarriage stories lately (really bad ones where the mom had to be induced to deliver a 20 week stillborn), I have some terrific friends who are unable to have babies, and as usual there is a part of me that expects something to go wrong. Still, we'll keep praying, doing our check-ups, and then it's just trust. And faith.

On the home front, we have had to spend exorbitant amounts of money in the last few weeks, and it has been ouchy. I shouldn't complain. We're fine. But on a week when we were expecting the fencing guys to start demolishing our old fence and some of the pillars (an expensive enough job), our water heater died. It was gross and wet (the carpet has the stains to remind us). We had it replaced on that Monday, only to discover that our garage door had finally really cracked and would no longer close. That was replaced on Wednesday. Ironically, the fence demolitioners/installers had truck issues that week and did not start until the following week. The demo-ing and replacing took about a week and a half, with a few absent days there where we wondered where the heck our guys were. It was finally finished sometime last week, and it looks pretty good. There were a few things that needed/need retouching, and now we will see how soon everything is fully resolved and the final bill is tallied. This has been interesting. David and I really don't know what the customer service standard typically is for this kind of work, but this job has been lame. My favorite bit of lameness is when, on the final day of installation, the younger installer (without consulting with his superior, I believe) found a hole in a slat and messily patched it up. When we saw the "patch" and had no idea what it was, it was among a few things David insisted on discussing with the installer. He came, saw the patch, repatched it before telling David, and offered a $25 discount on the job. Now, friends, while we do not want to unnecessarily chuck our money away, when we are already spending $7300 on a job (no joke - this one has been a searing fortune), saving $25 for accepting an ugly patch-job on a brand new fence didn't seem to make sense. David and I kept thinking how much more intelligent and cost effective it would've been to discuss this "patch it or replace it" issue BEFORE they "finished" the job, and we could have said, "No, we ordered a brand new fence, please get us a whole slat,". Give me a break!!! So we are still a work in progress with the fence.

By the way, I love my husband. He was respectful but firm, and though we're happy to have the old fence gone and be near the end, I will not be recommending All-American Vinyl to anyone soon. (So tell your friends!!!)

I read a disturbing book last week which I want to unrecommend to friends. It's called Year of Wonders. It's about a village hit by the plague. It's gruesome, depressing, and then at the end the main characters behave completely contrary to their own natures. Beware friends!!!

There's really not much else to tell. Sophie is loving 2nd grade, Aidan is loving preschool, and Ian is ridiculously adorable and yet driving me slightly mad. He gets into absolutely everything, and the poor dude has like 3 or 4 messy diapers a day. What a tragedy to be someone so bad-smelling!!

And I'm still me. Last night a friend and I had a wonderful chance to attend a workshop at the Orem "Best in Music" with Don Ripplinger. I haven't done a lot of workshops, so I was a little surprised when it was just him introducing us to great choral music which we sight-sang for an hour. My voice was tired at the end of the night, but my heart was full and I found myself misty, yet humbled about my relationship with music. It has blessed my life and I hope to continue to still grow as a musician. But music is a truly enormous beast, and none of us will conquer it entirely in our lifetimes (I won't even come 1/1,000,000,000th of the way in mine), and for some reason that made me melancholy last night. I reminisced with David about a few years ago when I saw Delora Zijack, one of the world's premiere mezzo-sopranos in opera, and how I pretty much wept every time she opened her mouth. She was so amazing - flawless voice and technique. I thought, "This is what someone can become if they marry themselves to the music!!" It was a mixed bag of emotions. I felt similarly about my wonderful experience of performing with Jennifer Welch-Babbidge, who is now local and focusing mostly on her family, but who at one time was a regular principle at the New York Metropolitan Opera. Wow! She is also amazing - glorious soprano and a set of lungs that puts me in my place! (And really, my lungs have been good to me so far...) It's all so amazing.

And yet, I don't regret the course I've taken and am on. I just sat there having a little moment of pregnancy melancholy when I thought of the music I need to learn, the piano skills I need to obtain, the plays I need to read, the languages and history I ache to study, etc. Shorthand, speed-reading, cooking, fitness, liguistics, theatre, music, literature, history - I want to tackle it all!!! And then there are the Mommying skills I want learn better - time/home management, sewing, food-storage, etc. And most importantly, the personal skills I need desperately to work on - like praying more, talking less and listening more, being a supportive wife and mother, and being a better friend. Wow!!!

Okay, no depression. Really, I'm good. After a few tears last night and a talk with David ("I'm going to cry. Could you hold me for a minute?"), I dragged myself upstairs, read the scriptures on my Palm lying down (still pretty darn queasy at bedtime), and then wasted 20 minutes surfing the net where I stumbled on a really lame website by and for bitter ex-mormons. These folk were pretty miserable, and I thought to myself, "I really don't have much to be depressed about." We're good.

Happy Birthday Toby,..uh, I mean David

2009-08-29T22:43:00.005-07:00

My hottie husband turned 33 this week. He's so cute, and is currently only a year younger than me right now. In October, he'll be two years younger again. Actually, it's a 22 1/2 month gap, but when we married in September of 1999, David only had to admit to being a year younger than his wife.

So last year, a few of us had a Wordgirl theme at Halloween. I was Wordgirl, Ian was Captain Huggyface, and David was Toby - my favorite of all Wordgirl villians - a 9-11 year old evil genius who likes to speak with a British accent and create havoc with his homemade robots, fears only the wrath of his ear-tugging mother, and has a not-so-secret crush on Wordgirl.

A coworker of his took a couple of pictures of us, but we've yet to get save-able copies of them, or I'd have posted a photo a long time ago. She does, however, still have them saved, as the following was posted all over David's place of work on his birthday.

Isn't that cute?! You know, even as a bow-tie wearing, evil genius, he's still pretty good looking. Happy Birthday, you Hottie!!

Supporting Family

2009-07-03T12:46:00.002-07:00

My sister is in pain. She just had major surgery, and when I called her the following day, she was alone and in pain. I wished I could do something to help, and I slightly regretted not having gone out to Ohio to help out. When I called today, she was doing a little better, but it has been a rough day. The main reason things should be better are because she called out for help and made sure someone was with her, making sure her monitors were working properly, making sure she got her pain medication on time, etc. What a relief, and yet it's not over. But I'm so glad that she has our mom at her side today. When I asked if it was helping, Christina said, "Mom's great at making sure I'm not forgotten." Go Mom!!! I love you!

It made me think of this film clip. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time, and I know that if it came to this, my mother would do nothing short of it.

An explanation and consolation for being away so long...

2009-06-27T14:15:00.003-07:00

So I'm now 7 1/2 weeks pregnant. I know that many wait until they are at least 12 weeks before they go public, but I am too wimpy and want people to know why I'm looking a little green in the face and gaining at least 2 pounds per week due to the constant snacking I do to preempt against vomiting. It's a drag, though I'm excited and grateful to be expecting. I believe this is our last. To those of you who have or want 5 or more, you are my hero. I think we'll just hold tight, pray for a healthy little bundle of joy, and call it good.

All of that established, I wanted to share this extremely lovely video that was forwarded to me. If you like Twilight but like women and healthy relationships more, you'll like this.

I also enjoyed this one too, though it's a bit older news.

Anyway, there is no point to this, except to make you laugh. I need that.

Idol Thought: My Response to the Results

2009-05-21T23:23:00.002-07:00

For starters, I appreciated the comments I received for the last post. It's so fun to hear your thoughts.

This may surprise people considering the last post, but I was actually pretty pleased that Kris won despite my respect for Adam. The thing about American Idol that I love/hate is that we're not just watching the contest, but we choose the winner. Adam is an artist's performer, and his talent is to be admired. But I think a majority of viewers want a winner who doesn't make them a little uncomfortable every time they watch him. Adam just came on a little too strong for a lot of people. That's why Danny and Kris were there so close to the end - they made audiences feel more comfortable (except when Danny was screaming the end of "Dream On." Oh what a riot!!). I believe that's why Kris won. I don't know, just a theory. I'm always happy when the winner is not necessarily the artist that the judges are trying to cram down our throats. It's not their decision, it's the viewers' decision.

In truth, I really think that Kris did great in the finale too. His first song was terrific, his version of "What's Going On" was hot and totally under-appreciated by the judges (what else was he supposed to do with the song - belt it out at the top of his lungs or something?), and he sounded better on Kara's lame original song than Adam despite it being on the high side for him. I love what a versatile musician he is. Like many, I wonder if he'll be much of a success, but if his own songs are as good as his covers of other songs, then he'll be great.

Last year, David Archuleta was unquestionably the more gifted vocalist of the two Davids, but Cook was the better performer overall. I think this situation was similar, except that while Archuleta is a flawless singer, Adam Lambert is UNBELIEVABLE. Yeah, I know I probably sound hypocritical - love his singing, but glad he didn't win. Yes, I'm in awe of his voice, and I think he is such a unique talent. I would rather listen to him or see him in a musical, though, than watch him in concert. Unless Queen wanted to have a big comeback - then Adam would be the perfect lead singer for them. Just saying.

I only hope that next year is better organized. I want to have those extra two weeks to fall in love with the singers. The whole top 36 thing with 12 at a time in the beginning was Bogus. Some people have a few kinks to work out from this year...

Idol Thought: Upcoming 2009 Finale

2009-05-13T23:29:00.002-07:00

I know that it has been a long time since I’ve blogged on American Idol. It has been a busy time lately, but I’ve been watching and enjoying as usual. Tonight the two finalists were announced, and I’m still digesting the result. Instead of the expected face off between Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey, it’ll be Lambert versus Kris Allen. Wow! But such is the way with American Idol. Two seasons ago, the amazing Melinda Doolittle did not make it to the finale, and Jordan Sparks ended up smoking poor Blake Lewis (who I loved but did not expect to win). Chris Daughtry didn’t make the finale either three years ago, and he has since made huge success for himself. But, I digress…

Though the talent was a little less thrilling this year than last year, there were some terrific people with some great voices. The biggest revelation in talent this year was definitely Adam Lambert. Okay, I talked about Adam in the past, and my feelings are still the same. He has unbelievable pipes. I don’t think that there has been a more unique and impressive vocalist in this competition – period. I mean, really. This guy has an amazing range, from a solid tenor all the way up to soprano. Heck, he’s practically a contralto (as high as a man can go, and it usually required castration to achieve that). His technique is practically perfect and his control, when he chooses to use it, is out of this world. If you need proof, listen to the following YouTube recording. It’s amazing. (Skip to the last minute if you’re short on time.)

One night after a show I said, “Man, what can’t the guy sing? Well…other than bass (very low).”

Adam would make the late Freddy Mercury, the lead singer of Queen, humble. In this video of Mercury, notice the similar energy and charisma (which some might find creepy), and yet Mercury doesn’t appear to have the vocal stamina to nail the high notes written into the end of the song. Lambert would probably have a more resilient voice with that amazing technique.

Here’s the problem with Adam, though. Like Mercury, he has amazing range, energy, and showmanship; but Mercury was completely over the top. The same can be said for Adam. I don’t really like his vocal styling. With most of his songs, he would start the song with comfortable, smooth vocals, and then halfway through he’d go wild with riffs and rock screams. Vocalists and musicians are saying “wow,” but many audience members are saying “enough already!” I’ve been blown away with the judges, but I also think that watching Adam has been like going to the opera. You might not love what you hear, but it’s pretty amazing that they can do it.

As for Kris, I think he’s great. He has a nice voice and has given some really solid, moving performances. He’s well rounded, playing both the piano and the guitar (though the guitar is his stronger instrument), and he is smart with this song picks. He stays true to his own flavor at all times. He wasn’t one of the strongest vocalists, to be honest. He has had a few bum notes here and there, and yet you can’t help but love him. He has almost a Brooke White factor – multi-talented, extremely likeable, modest appearance, yet attractive, married with a cute spouse, humble, etc. I imagine that even those who didn’t vote him into the finals must have a hard time not cheering for such an underdog.

What can I say about Danny Gokey? We’ll miss him. He might not have had the charisma that many previous Idol winners have had, but he had a terrific, strong, sexy voice and a whole lot of soul. He seemed genuinely grateful for the success he had, and he had that Oprah factor that I previously mentioned (a recent widower – how could you not get attached to this guy?). I really had hoped he’d win. Even now, I hope he has a good career in music on some level. He’s talented and seems like such a good person. Here's an ironic embed:

So it’s now up to the voters to decide who will win the finale, and to be honest, I think Kris will be the upset. Despite Danny’s more impressive vocals, Kris still got more votes than him. This guy has devoted fans. We don’t know who had the most votes. We could assume it was Adam, because the judges go ballistic every week over his voice, but for all we know, Kris might’ve been the one with a million votes more. Also, the chances of a majority of Danny Gokey fans switching their vote to Adam Lambert are pretty slim. So, unless Gokey fans are bitter and decide to stick it to Kris by voting for Adam, next week’s new Idol will likely be Kris Allen. BUT, we’ll just have to wait and see about that, won’t we?

A Little Lesson in Horticulture

2009-04-20T22:07:00.004-07:00

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook profile a few weeks ago, and it is now a favorite of mine. Incidentally, I've loved Christopher Walken for most of my life. I think it's because he reminded me of my father, though
my father is much more handsome.

This is my dad with Sophie when she was just 11 months. Now that is a good looking man. I can't really speak for his gardening abilities though.

Do I Know My Spouse?

2009-03-30T21:59:00.003-07:00

A friend had these questions on her blog, so I tagged myself and am doing it now for your reading enjoyment. You might enjoy my answers, but if you have a spouse you'll likely be skimming and thinking of your own answers. I'll take no offense. Do it!!!

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
I Said: World of Goo on Wii
He Said: Just a movie

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
I Said: Italian
He Said: Italian or some kind of vinaigrette

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
I Said: cilantro or any kind of sausage (excluding pepperoni)
He Said: "Quaker" (some awful oatmeal drink from his mission), olives, or really raw meat (He said my answers are better though).

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. His drink would be?
I Said: Any peach or mango frozen drink
He Said: "If we're splurging, then if there's some mango drink, I'd enjoy it...or some fruit like peach..."

5. Where did he go to high school?
I Said: Junior and Senior year - Timpview High; before that - ??
He Said: Freshman and Sophomore and most of Junior - North High in Riverside; then Timpview

6. What size shoe does he wear?
I Said: 10 1/2
He Said: 10 or 10 1/2

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
I Said: mp3's or movies
He Said: DVD's, music

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
I Said: Club sandwich w/bacon added
He Said: "Subway club is what I get at Subway"

9. What would he eat every day if he could?
I Said: something with mushrooms or chicken piccatta
He Said: crab (I missed that, but he's right - it's crab)

10. What is his favorite cereal?
I Said: Cinnamon Life or some fruity grown up cereal
He Said: "Do I have a category of non-treat cereal?" - actually Honey Bunches of Oats w/Peaches

11. What would he never wear?
I Said: a yellow shirt
He Said: an earring (good answer, David)

12. What is his favorite sports team?
I Said: LA Lakers (when he was a kid), though he doesn't watch sports these days
He Said: don't have one

13. Who did he vote for?
I Said: John McCain, but he was really uncertain (Democrat in the blood, you know...)
He Said: John McCain

14. Who is his best friend?
I Said: me :)
He Said: "you, of course"

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
I Said: freak out
He Said: "Be hard on yourself, be sad, and stay up too late"

16. What is his Heritage?
I Said: English, Scottish, Swedish, all things Slavic
He Said: "Mixed European - English, Scottish, Danish" "Anything else?" "I'm sure."

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
I Said: Black Forest or something close to a treat he had in Switzerland
He Said: "It definitely has whipped cream frosting...maybe a black forest kind of a thing. Something with fruit in it."

18. Did he play sports in high school?
I Said: No
He Said: Nope

19. What could he spend hours doing?
I Said: playing Wii with Aidan and being with family
He Said: "sleeping or vegging or playing Wii with my kids...or staying up late and working"

20. What is one thing you appreciate about him?
How much time to you do have? Well, one thing? His enduring love for me. (Believe me, he is enduring...)

Okay, your turn friends!! Go!

Loving Motherhood

2009-03-13T11:46:00.005-07:00

Years ago I started asking myself, whenever faced with a major decision, “Dianna, if you were on your deathbed, which choice would you most regret having given up?” I think the catalyst must’ve been my biological clock and deciding when to start having children. I married David with no intention of giving up on a career in acting for awhile. My goal at the time was to try to get an agent, establish myself in a modest career (ironic considering acting has little to do with modesty), and then start having children. At least then I’d have some connections set up for an occasional acting stint here and there. I had already lost interest in the idea of moving to a big city and trying to become a professional stage actress. I just thought that a little TV/film work or a play here and there would be a great goal (and difficult enough to pursue).

Then a strange series of events occurred. I was eating lunch with a work supervisor who, upon learning that I was 26, asked if I was planning on having kids soon. I told her that we were waiting for the right time, and, before I mentioned that my husband and I expected to start trying when we hit our 2 year anniversary (then at least 8 or 9 months away), my supervisor began sharing how much she loved having a younger Mom. She talked about how they’d play sports together and talk about dating, etc. Then she shared about a friend who had been trying with her husband for over 4 years to get pregnant. Though it wasn’t the first time I had heard of couples trying for a long time without success, it suddenly hit me that there was no guarantee that I’d be able to choose exactly when I could become a mother. The thought was sobering.

Moreover that conversation planted a seed. A month or two later, I started to have anxiety at bedtime when I was supposed to take my birth control pill. As I’ve mentioned here before, I actually had nights when I found it difficult to take the pill. While holding a pill in my right hand, I’d grasp that wrist with the left hand and bring the hand to my mouth. I finally approached my husband, who was genuinely surprised that I was the one instigating the baby conversation. After a few discussions and a little bit of prayer, however, I started my 3 month detox from the pill in preparation for a possible pregnancy. When the 3 months was up, the “chance” game started, and one month later I woke David up at 2:00 AM to show him a positive pregnancy test. He was very cute, by the way. I dragged him from our bed down the short hallway to the bathroom to show him the test. He leaned far forward (too sleepy to see straight?), stared for a second, stood back up and said, “Congratulations, Sweetie.” Then, after a millisecond kiss and a smile, he flopped himself back into bed for some more sleep.

And that’s how it started. Nine months and 65 pounds later, Sophie was here, and the world turned upside down - in a good way. She was gorgeous with fantastic hair that stood at least 2 inches tall. She slept, ate, struggled with nursing, tolerated me who struggled with nursing, welcomed the eventual bottles, cried a little, grew a lot, and brought a tremendous amount of hope and joy into our lives. Then, after another healthy but emotional pregnancy, Aidan arrived with a little more drama than his predecessor. Yet the scariest drama passed, and we suddenly had two tender little individuals in our home. Sophie doted on her new little man, and Aidan loved being doted on. They are special little friends, albeit occasionally antagonistic friends (aren’t we all sometimes?). Then, about 9 ½ months ago (after a scare to defy the others), another little spirit arrived into our lives, and David’s and my joy has reached an all time high so far while our confidence has tanked. That’s not to say that we’re not happy and grateful, but, as everyone says, three is hard. It’s especially challenging when you have an active social butterfly for an oldest child, an independent, easily overlooked middle child, and, well, a baby. I don’t think Ian’s more clingy or anxious than most babies. He’s pretty much a textbook baby. He’s just a baby, though, and his needs are more immediate. So other children have to wait a little longer. (Though we do seek balance at all times).

All of this is hard. It’s rewarding, yes. I really am having the time of my life. They are each so amazing to be with and deserve so much love. But it’s hard too. Sometimes I have a great attitude, but I often struggle with the chaos in the house, the challenges of meeting physical and emotional needs, concern about the future, and my own inadequacies. I’m pretty sure we’re done, and it’s a devastating feeling to have. I’ve heard that many people who eventually have 4 or more children really struggled when they hit #3. For them it was a threshold into the crazy life. Yet I believe we should stop here just after the threshold, and that hurts. I’m not at peace with that yet, but I really think I’d be fooling myself if I thought that I could be an effective mother of 4 children. I’m sure most of my friends and family agree with me, but that doesn’t really help to be honest. :) So we have a little bit of working through some emotions and finding answers ahead of us.

My purpose for this post, however, was not to hash up my conflicted emotions over whether or not to have more children (and whether I need to endure more of this ridiculous IUD that puts me at a hormonal disadvantage beyond my usual hormonal disadvantage). The purpose was to say that I love being a mother, and I’m so grateful to even be in this dilemma. When I think of the incredible women in my life who deserve to be mothers and are having to wait for one reason or another, I am humbled. I love being able to focus my energy on others. I love their little limbs. I love their brains and how quickly they absorb things. I love their simplicity and their complexity. I love seeing who they are becoming. I love having relationships with them, working for their trust, and working to retain it. I love being their biggest fan, coach, and listening ear. Sometimes I cry because of them. Sometimes I cry with them. I have said “I’m sorry” about 5 million times, and I expect to say it at least 50 million more times in coming years (though I’m determined to repent and keep the need to a minimum). I adore the hugs, and I have a hard time not laughing when I am yelled at (though I still cry at times). I love to make them laugh and to laugh with them. Finally, I love knowing that my life revolves around love - giving love, teaching love, learning love.

Back to that deathbed speech I mentioned an hour ago, when I ask myself, “Dianna, if you were on your deathbed, which choice would you most regret having given up?” Every time the answer is the same. I won’t have regrets. Motherhood is far greater than anything I’ve had to give up or postpone so far.

Here’s sending out love, prayers, and respect to all of the amazing and imperfect Moms and Moms-to-be whom I know. You are doing, have done, or will do the greatest, most important, most rewarding work in the world.

Or, as Captain Taggart would say, “Never give up! Never surrender!”

In the spirit of confession/commiseration, I thought I'd share that my afternoon as a mother was a bit lame at points. Sophie came home from school, and the walls came tumbling down. I'm not saying that it's her fault. I haven't been great at given her a steady routine (thanks to chronic fatigue, AKA having a baby), and she has gotten into the habit of being completely non-compliant and argumentative. I burst into tears about three times and felt pretty hopeless after a while. And only just a few hours after posting this optimistic, hopeful epistle! It's like going to the temple during a difficult time in your life. You feel so wonderful and hopeful inside, and then within an hour of returning home, non-temple life comes crashing back in. Gotta love it! Okay, Captain Taggart, I'll keep plugging along...

Idol Thoughts... The Top 12...uh, I mean 13

2009-03-10T22:50:00.005-07:00

So I got really serious last week and was being one with my alter-ego, the Pensive Mormom, with my political, economy focused, anti-Hollywood rant - all of which I meant - and I will admit that I was a bit negative. Thanks for your patience!

It’s Idol time again! I’m just going to give my responses to the folk who performed tonight:

Lil Rounds – Fabulous!! She’s another Melinda Doolite, and I hope she goes far. Since she’s also a mother of three, which is really hard, I respect her all the more for her courage. Also she loves barbecue. Yummers!!

Scott MacIntyre (AKA Blind piano playing guy) – He’s fine, but here’s my beef with him. He’s not the only blind person who can sing and play the piano. A lot of blind people who are musicians are terrific piano players. They naturally have fantastic ears and learn that whole playing by feel thing quicker and better than many seeing people. So, as much as I totally appreciate and admire that he had the courage to audition, I expect him to be a better singer with such an ear. I’m not loving him, and he’s being given too much of a pass for being blind. He also has pretty lame taste in music. I’ve said this before, but people need to pick songs that we know and love, or we’ll get bored quickly.

Also, and I know this sounds terrible but I’ve got to say it, I don’t like watching him. The wandering, extremely wide eyes are distracting, and he’s not a handsome man. He needs a consultant or coach to get blunt and teach him how to close his eyes the way “Boccelli” does or do something else that doesn’t make difficult to watch. As I said, it sounds cold and harsh, but that’s the business folks.

Danny Gokey – He’s great. I was busy typing, so I missed his dancing (which Simon hated), but his vocals sounded great, and I think he made some great, fun vocal choices with his song. I hope people don’t forget how terrific he is.

Michael Sarver – He’s a sweetie, and he has good pipes, but I’m not jumping out of my seat. I love the song choice, though. (He picked “You Are Not Alone.”) I fear he may go home soon.

Jasmine Murray – She’s really pretty (runs in the family obviously – did you see her sister?!), but she’s a little raw for my taste. She needs more training. She oversings and crushes a lot of her big notes. I fear her days are numbered as well.

Kris Allen– He’s married??? I thought he was like 12 or something! Look, this boy seems really sweet and kind of a cutie, but I’m underwhelmed by his talent. I suspect he’s still safe, though, since a large percentage of voters are teenage girls. Simon might’ve been right, though, that they should’ve waited a little longer to mention that he’s married. Oops!! If he’s gone tomorrow night, we’ll know why.

Allison Iraheta – I have a big soft-spot for rockers. Maybe it’s because I’m completely incapable of pulling off “rocker.” But I love this girl. Her voice is rich and strong, and she doesn’t ever seem to hit a bad note. I really love her, actually, and she pulls the goofiest faces during comments, which I find terribly endearing. Yeah, she’s a favorite of mine.

Anoop Desai – Anoop, my friend, what on earth were you thinking when you chose “Beat It”? Big mistake, and not a very good performance. I fear that he’ll be gone next week, especially after Simon gave him the kiss of death (Ryan - “Do you regret making it a top 13?” Simon - “On the back of that, yes.”)

Jorge Nunez – Okay, Jorge is such a tender soul, but this was cheesy and old fashioned. I hope he comes back next week, but I didn’t enjoy the song or the performance. But isn’t he just such a sweetie??!! And the afro!! Isn’t it darling?

Megan Corkrey – She’s gorgeous, but “Rockin’ Robin”??? But her bio about how she adores her little boy makes me want to cry. I love my little boys too, and I’d be crying too. Actually, with her crazy style, the song really fit her. And the “caw caw” at the end is a riot!! And she’s gorgeous. And her bio makes me want to cry. I think she’s safe.

Adam Lambert – Sophie loves this guy. I’ve got to say that I kind of like him too even though everything I’ve seen him do has been flawed. I think he overdoes it. But…WOW, he’s got a crazy, cool, unique voice and he’s oozing with confidence on stage. I haven’t fallen in love with his work yet, but I really, really like this performer. I hope he gets consistently better and better. Besides, when Sophie likes someone, it helps if they’re a good performer. Last year, her man was David Archuleta. Hurray!! The year before? Sanjaya. Ugh!

Matt Giraud – I hope people don’t forget this guy. He’s terrific. The song is beautiful even if it wasn’t thrilling following Adam. But he deserves to stay for sure.

Alexis Grace – I have a few problems with Alexis. First, she is not any kind of role model for little girls. I don’t like the raunchy thing she’s doing with the ultra scanty outfits, etc. Second, she seems a little processed for me. She was a little more wholesome looking at her initial audition, but her sound was sassy. So the judges told her to “dirty it up” a little. Well, she did it. Can we say “Barbie doll?” Finally, David dated a girl named Alexis in high school, and I really do not like this person. Case closed.

You know, this first part was really boring. Haha!!! I was reading it to David, and it made me laugh how boring it must be to read a bunch of two line comments about a bunch of singers, especially if the reader doesn’t watch the show. Instead of editing it though (I need sleep anyway), I’ll leave it so you can laugh with me at what an enormous geek I am for making you listen to my play by play critiques.

Anyway, here’s the problem with Idol this year. There were too many people in the top group, and too much time has passed between our seeing each of them. Also, they have not been worked hard enough so far. I know their schedule is completely rigorous, and it’s amazing that they don’t all have laryngitis by the finale, but it’s also good for the performers to have to work hard and learn and perform new songs every week. They grow on us. I know it’ll get harder and harder, but I think those first 3 weeks make a difference in how much the TV audience loves/hates the performers. And again, there are too many of them. I mean, please judges!! I liked Anoop too, but you could’ve parted with him sooner. Or maybe Jasmine shouldn’t have gone on. But we practically ran out of time tonight with the comments and having too many performers to fit in. It’ll be interesting to see how this competition pans out in the next several weeks, but they have their work cut out to make themselves memorable.

And let’s be honest, last year was just thoroughly AWESOME. They have some seriously huge shoes to fill.

“You’ve changed…you’re different in the woods…”

2009-03-06T14:33:00.004-07:00

For those who don’t recognize the words in the title, these are lyrics are from a musical called Into the Woods. This show had a powerful impact on my life as a teen, and I still see it was one of the greatest musicals ever. I imagine that I might judge it a little harder now, but even looking back, there are still great messages that I remember from the piece. One song, entitled “Children Will Listen”, includes the following:
“Careful the things you say.
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do.
Children will see and learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you for
Which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say, ‘Listen to me.’
Children will listen.”

Profound, isn’t it?

Anyway this post is not about Into the Woods, though I highly recommend the musical to anyone looking for a great show. Actually this post is about…me. Isn’t everything? Just joking, believe me. I’ve just found myself marveling lately, not necessarily with joy but definitely with wonder, about how much I’ve changed over the years. A lot of this awareness has to do with politics lately. You know, years ago I would’ve just been delighted to have an African-American president. In fact, all of my life I thought it would be really wonderful to have seen this country evolve so much that we’d elect a black man or woman President of the United States, based on their principles and abilities and not on their sex or race. A lot of people are still celebrating that we now have an African-American President. Except I’ve found myself so disappointed with President Obama so far that I could just cry. I didn’t vote for him, but I didn’t feel vehemently against him becoming President either. The truth is, I didn’t know very much about him. He was a great speaker, and he seemed pretty moderate and capable of working well with people from other parties. In the past several months, however, I’ve learned some things that have made me uncomfortable with him. In the past several weeks, I’ve seen things that have made me angry at him. I don’t like this man, and I actually wish he was a white man who wasn’t a brilliant orator so that people would start paying attention to his policies and holding him more accountable for his actions and those he supports.

But this wasn’t supposed to be about Barack Obama either. I don’t mean to offend people by bagging on someone you might admire. It’s just about how life can change our belief system so much. I can remember sitting in my high school Economics class and feeling favorably about Socialism compared to Capitalism. Socialism equaled compassionate society. Capitalism equaled cold, money-hungry society. Now despite the fact that we’re not rich or anything, I feel so strongly about supporting Capitalism. Granted, I do believe that there should be equal opportunity through making education and assistance available for those who need help getting to their feet, but Capitalism creates motivation to even stand. What a strange surprise to me that I feel this way now!

I used to love movies. Don’t get me wrong, I still do like them very much. I currently have a big thing for BBC movies adapted from classic literature. Oh I love them!! All the Jane Austens & Elizabeth Gaskells! I also love the Lord of the Rings films, etc. Okay, yes, I still love them. But I’ve become such a snob about how well a film is made and so sensitive to what kind of content is in a film that I rarely come away satisfied these days. David and I have been Netflix members for almost a month, and we’re canceling our membership this weekend. I don’t want to waste what precious little time I have with David watching some dumb movie every week and then being too tired to converse rationally afterward. And I have a big grudge against Hollywood right now, and I’m determined that watching fewer films is the only way I can protest.

And how about Hollywood? I used to admire so many actors and directors. I never missed the Oscars or the Tonys for anything. This year, however, I watched the Oscars for about ten minutes, and I was disgusted. The way the actors worshipped each other and the business they’re in was revolting. Sean Penn, despite being a very talented actor, gives me tics. My husband studied a book in college called Hollywood vs. America, in which Michael Medved pointed out how the ideologies of Hollywood are in direct conflict with the ideologies of mainstream America. Anti-religion, anti-Capitalism, anti-modesty, anti-chastity, etc. – that’s Hollywood for you. The Oscars was a perfect demonstration of that reality. As Penn accepted his Oscar for Best Actor, he called on Proposition 8 supporters to reflect with shame on their actions and expressed gratitude for having an eloquent President, and most of the crowd cheered along with him. Any conservative Republicans or believers in traditional marriage must’ve been quite uncomfortable. My yearning of younger days to be one of those beautiful, lucky, talented actors was dissolved in that moment (though it has waned over the past several years).

Where has all of this change come from? Life, I guess. I think I was such an incredibly selfish person when I was younger. All I thought about was myself – my appearance, whether or not I could act or sing well, whether I had friends or if people thought I was talented. Now I’m not saying that Democrats are selfish. I’m not saying that single people are all egocentric. I do think a lot of actors can be pretty ridiculous. Most of the people I know are pretty incredible people who are good friends and are thoughtful and considerate of others. But it took falling in love with David and becoming a wife and a mother to start realizing how my choices and attitudes affect others and how loving relationships are the source of life’s greatest joys. It also took seeing the joy of motherhood to appreciate how much less joy I might have found in being a professional actress and/or singer. It took having a family, serving as the CFO of our household, making some very painful financial mistakes, and looking toward our financial future to help me appreciate the benefits of capitalism – how hard work and ambition, financial discipline, and wise investment can empower you take control of your destiny and assist others to do the same.

All of that said, and to serve as an anti-nausea pill for those of you who probably think I’m being completely arrogant, I am fully aware of that fact that I have miles to go before I sleep. I still have a ridiculous temper. I complain too much. I’m anxious and obsessive compulsive. I still haven’t figured out the difference between insecurity and humility (except this – first one bad, second one good). I eat too much sugar, exercise too little, listen to too much talk radio, yell at my kids and husband too much, read too slowly, have a slight speech impediment, pray too infrequently, think I’m right all of the time when I’m often wrong, and cry when I’m tired instead of going to sleep (can we say – logic?). And that’s just the intro, but we all have things to do, and the full list would keep us from those things. Also, I must fully acknowledge that I could be completely wrong about politics, Hollywood, and money.

I guess the bottom line is I’ve changed. I’m pretty sure I’m not better than most other people. I at least hope that I’m better than my old self.

Idol Thoughts - Top 36, Week 1

2009-02-18T23:59:00.002-07:00

Quell torture!! Hollywood Week was a drama fest, and now I know why I haven’t watched it in previous years, but now we have to spend the next few weeks watching 9 people per week fumble their one and only shot to win audience votes.

For non-viewers who choose to experience Idol vicariously through me (you know who you are), here’s the format we’re dealing with: We’re down to 36 (well, now 27). For each of three weeks, 1/3rd of the group (12 singers) will perform, America will vote, and the top 3 (top man, top woman, and the person with the next highest votes) will all go through to the final 12. The last 3 to make the 12 will be chosen through some wild-card thing. (I have no idea what this process involves.) In other words, unlike most of the previous years where they had 24 and eliminated 4 people a week for three weeks, there will be 9 people eliminated each week. So we have to sit there and watch Ryan cruelly break the hearts of 9 people each Wednesday night. Ouch!!

The upside to this, of course, is that we don’t have to go through the torture of seeing people like Tatiana Del Toro (good pipes, schmaltzy singing style, emotionally unhealthy) week after week because, if she has fans, they’re likely to be zealots who would go crazy with voting. The downside is that everyone will have one shot at the top 12 (unless they’re picked for the mysterious wild-card thingy). So if they make a bad song choice or crack a note or get the kiss of death from Simon (“I think you’ve blown a massive opportunity…”), then there will be no second chance to step-it-up. And with so many others, some talented people will be forgotten forever. Sad.

Why are they doing this, I wonder? Was it too grueling for the contestants in previous years? To learn and rehearse two songs per week (plus publicity, etc.) for several weeks? You gotta be kidding me! To mix it up? Aren’t crazy, dramatic contestants enough mixing? Besides, how is America going to make viewers into fans of a specific artist if we hardly get to see them during these first few weeks? I guess three months with the top performers is a long enough time.

Oh well, it’s probably just me not adapting to change. Well that and the fact that I really don’t like to watch people completely fail at their only chance to succeed. I mean, when you audition for a play, your first audition should be completely stellar, but if the pianist trips you up, if you spit out a big glob on a high note, or if the song isn’t perfect for you but you look like you might fit the role well, you at least get a callback. (Well unless the director has pigeon-holed you as an ingenue though you’re shooting for a character role… no, I’m not relating or anything.) I guess that’s kind of what this is. This is their audition for America, and there is not much room at callbacks (12 slots only). And if that wasn’t just the cheesiest thing anyone ever typed…

I just hope that they divided up each of the three groups well. Otherwise, the top 12 could be pretty uneven. “Here are the best three from the reject group, then the best three from the evenly distributed group, and then the best of the best.” (Makes me think of the Men in Black. “The best of the best of the best…sir!”)

So I guess I ought to make a comment or two on the contestants. Well, I had hoped for more from most of the contestants. Even those who made it through this week, Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver, and Danny Gokey, weren’t thrilling to me. Alexis is a cute woman, but after an audition where they told her to “dirty up a bit” (I’m misquoting, I’m sure), she performed this week wearing something akin to a negligee. Good vocals, but not a very big voice (though a big Aretha song). Still, she was solid enough, despite the fact that I’m not excited for my 7 year old to see that the only woman who made it through this week was the one who was completely immodest in her appearance. That’s also not to mention that she seems like she was completely designed by the judges. They told her to be sassy or “dirty,” and she reinvented herself. Not that interesting. She does have a lovely little daughter. That’s interesting. Hopefully this will help their future.

It makes me appreciate Michael Sarver better. He’s the oil rig driver (at least, I think that’s his usual work – suffice it to say, his work is something blue collar and very dangerous). Very good pipes, despite the uselessness of his song. “I don’t wanna be” something or other. (Rock country is a genre that I simply do not get.) But he’s a husband and a father, not pretty but not ugly, and very likable. Nice choice, viewers.

Then there is Danny Gokey. Danny Gokey has very good pipes and a lot of soul for looking like a cross between Robert Downey, Jr. and that slightly nerdy guy that you did show choir with in High School – not skinny, not great looking, but kind of cuddly. Again, he’s got a very good voice and nice vocal stylings. Church music director for a living. But Danny has something that the other two don’t necessarily have (at least not as much of). I’ll call it Oprah factor (though it’s more moving to me than most things I associate with Oprah). He’s got an emotional, heart-wrenching story. I don’t know the details of the story, but he’s 28, and his wife passed away about 4 weeks before he auditioned for Idol. It’s so sad. To add more emotion to it, his best friend is a pretty great singer and was an amazing support to him through the weeks following his wife’s death. That friend, whose name completely escapes me at this moment, made it all the way through to the end of Hollywood week and was eliminated just before the final 36. It was almost like a married couple being separated, and you could tell that Danny was filled with dread and guilt. Talk about awkward. I think he’ll go far in the competition, though. He might not win if a stronger singer trumps him, but he has been featured quite a bit, and he has a huge following already, I’m sure. Plus he’s pretty smart. Picks songs that we know and like, and then personalizes them. That’s what contestants should do!

As for the others who didn’t make the cut this week, Tuesday night was very painful. I kept asking myself, “Did no one mention that this was a one shot deal?” Most of the contestants picked the wrong song. Either it was too old (something the Anoop Desai sang extremely well, but completely forgettable – I hope he’s a wild-card pick), too big and hard for the singer (“Saving All My Love” and “Natural Woman” – both decent performances, but seriously ladies, do you want be compared to Whitney or Aretha?), or it did nothing to showcase people’s voices. "Rock With You?" by Michael Jackson? What was that about? Even Michael would know better than to pick a disco-boogie song! And poor Stevie did not hit a single correct note in her awful Taylor Swift song (not to mention that every time she sang the word “me” she took a breath right in the middle of the word – I’m allergic to that, incidentally). I kept hearing contestants say “I want to show what kind of artist I am,” “I just want to entertain and get people on their feet,” or "I thought it'd be a good choice for the first live show." Are you kidding me? This was it! Oh, friends, what torture to see people come so far and not give their all to their one shot! I can’t imagine the pressure, but I felt some of the pain!!

So, folks, fasten your seat belts! We’re in for some bumpy nights!! Just think, next week - Nick Mitchell (or Norman Gentle?). In two weeks, Nathaniel Marshall! This may not be fun, but you can’t say it’ll be boring either!

It's That Time Again!

2009-01-13T21:05:00.003-07:00

Oh, I'm so excited that it's American Idol Season again!! I love this show, even if the beginning feels a little like a trip to the carnival. I can't help but joke that I half expect a bearded lady to walk in and audition. That said, it's fun to discover new talent and get excited for some people.

So here's a small recap of the premiere episode: There's a new judge (I guess to help phase Simon out?), and she's pretty. Her name is Kara DioGuardi, and she seems like she's somewhere between Simon and Randy on harshness, but she's a woman so she's a little more humble. I'm not sure how much I like her, but she seems okay so far. I love Simon as always, and Randy just makes me laugh. Paula just irritates me, and let's be honest she always will.

Their starting city was Phoenix, AZ. (I think it was Phoenix. Well it was AZ at least). David and I felt that the supposed hopefuls with no talent were less convincing this year. Frauds, all of them.

Then there was this girl in a bikini. Yikes!! Disgusting. Simon and Randy put her through 100% because she was a pretty girl wearing less fabric on her body than a handkerchief. Paula is irritating enough, but I may never forgive her for putting through this woman (and I think she did it just to avoid conflict). Featuring the bikini lady and sending her through to Hollywood may hurt the show, to be honest. But there have been freakier hopefuls in the past. Fewer have been more offensive, though. She gave attitude to Kara, and she behaved like a strumpet (throwing herself at Ryan). She won't last. The reason? Demographic. Most of this shows viewers are families, women, and gay men. She's outta there soon, baby!

On Scott, the blind contestant: He was very nice, but I was less impressed than I expected to be. If I were a blind singer, I might be a little irritated that such moderate talent got by. A friend of mine from High School was blind and an amazing soprano. Flawless pitch. I don't know. Maybe Scott will turn out to be great too, but his audition underwhelmed me. I think, though, that singing in a choir for three years with a blind soprano kind of hardened me to the "wow, that's brave to sing in front of others" factor. It seemed to me that Amy showed a lot more bravery getting around by herself at school, being an excellent student, playing Cinderella's mother in the musical (which required climbing up a ladder and sitting on a large moving set piece at one point), performing dance moves in show choir, and just being herself (boy, was she sassy!). Singing and playing the piano was pretty easy for her. Just an opinion. But, yes, it's still terrific when blind artists share their incredible gifts. Maybe I'm just jealous because they've got better pitch than me. Aha!! A revelation!!

Yeah, the bikini girl - won't last past Hollywood week. Mark my words.

On Callings...

2009-01-05T15:00:00.004-07:00

They're good. They're hard. Everyone is doing their best, even you are.

Be patient. Try harder. It'll help someone, maybe even you.

This is what I tell myself right now. Yesterday I cried. Today I sent a very long email that took 4 hours to type. I hope it'll help us find some solutions. Solutions are a good thing.

So, callings...They're good...

Being a mom...

2008-12-14T22:43:00.007-07:00

Well, the Pensive Mormom has struck again for those of you who are interested. (Amazingly enough, she was not thinking about politics when she blogged this time...)

Also, for any of you mom's who haven't yet seen the following news clipping, this is for your motherhood validation enjoyment. (You can click on the image for a larger view if necessary.)

I'm still convinced that Tacoma is a pseudonym used by an irritated mom who wanted another to plead her case. It still doesn't make this any less true.

Wicked, Wicked World...

2008-12-12T14:20:00.010-07:00

Wicked sold out. I didn't get tickets. I just typed a relatively long post telling my story, but like an idiot I tried to copy my text for editing in Word as a safety precaution, and the entire post disappeared. (This has happened before.)

So, I just want to express my gratitude to the Arttix web support people who did not prepare themselves for the deluge of business they would receive this morning at 10:00 AM which resulted in their website crashing almost instantaneously. I also wish to thank the Broadway Across America people who were unkind enough to make tickets available early to many of their subscribers and their friends. Actually, I was almost one of those lucky enough to buy early, but when I opened the email from my friend, the promo code was missing and I was too busy to call her back and get it, etc.

Finally, I wish to thank Capitol Theatre for being a bit too small to hold such a show and the kind of audience that would attend said show. Thank you. Really.

I can only comfort myself with the knowledge that I would have probably been disappointed with something about the show, and $100-200 would not quite have felt worth it at a time like this with our economy.

But who am I kidding...

(By the way, poor quality and all, I bawl like a baby everytime I watch this...)

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2008-11-13T10:26:00.005-07:00

I've needed a good pick me up lately, and Heavenly Father has sent me so many that I haven't noticed. It took something totally unexpected to snap me out of my melancholy reverie.

Aidan was watching a great Veggie Tales movie, and I barely heard this line in a scene with Larry the Cucumber:

"Remember when he took Salvador's dolly? That hurt!"

Maybe I'm just silly, but that made me laugh.

So, I think this calls for another great Wordgirl episode, just because Wordgirl always helps. Cheers!

Love that Toby!

Another blog

2008-10-24T08:56:00.007-07:00

This is a revision of an old post. I wanted to clarify a few things about my other blog.

For those interested in the reading some of my personal views on major social issues (usually given in the form of crazy long dissertations for which I will often stay up ridiculously late to write/revise), you are welcome to come and view a separate blog of mine. I will not be hurt if most of you would rather not read it.

I thought at first to keep it really secret, but what's the point of revising it 50 times and then publishing it if no one ever reads it. I hope it is good for someone other than myself.

I do want to make some clarifications, however. First of all, it's public. So you do not need to log in. Therefore, you can share it with anyone you choose to (not that I mean to flatter myself and indicate that you'll be overcome by my brilliance and want to share it. But you know what I mean...)

Also, should you desire to post a comment, please do! I only ask that you not refer to me by name as I'd really like to remain completely anonymous. I want my dissertations to just be out there without the reader reading into me. Does that make any sense?

I've also enabled anonymous commentary (though I still reserve the right to preview comments before publishing in case someone sends me a hate comment loaded with profanities or something). So you do not have to comment under your blog names. In other words, I'm happy to share the anonymity.

Of course I thought it best to start with something nice and light. Happy reading!

Incidentally, I want to thank friends who've taken the time to read my first post. I was touched to see the comments and to know that someone was out there bending their ear to my discourses. You've all been very kind.

Prop 8

2008-10-16T20:01:00.004-07:00

I don't want to say much, so I won't. I have plenty of discussions in my head or under my breath about this issue on a daily basis. (I'm pretty sure it's part of my neurosis). I just hope and pray that a time will come when there will be healing from all of this. I know what I believe is right, but I think that everyone on every side has valid points and feelings. No one wants to go through life alone. Nor does anyone want to have the most important institution in their lives be redefined in a way that could create greater confusion in our society and for our children. None of this changes the decision I would make or have made in the past on this issue, but it makes it harder to just look on with no compassion at those who feel attacked or excluded.

So here's sending out a bit of love and empathy to anyone who has let this issue stress them out at all. Hopefully all will work out for the best. In the long run, it's important to remember that Christ did not condone hatred any more than he condoned sin. So, as always, the moral is "love the sinner, hate the sin." As part of my definition of "hate the sin" I tend to include "feel sad for friends who gave up the church and decided to never give themselves a chance at a successful relationship with someone of the opposite sex, thereby, in my opinion, be partly culpable for all of the single men and women in the church who might have had a soul mate in one of them, but who am I kidding I was terrified at the prospect of dating anyone who struggled with same sex attraction on the grounds that I had an increased risk of being left with 3 kids ten years later while my victim husband felt no accountability for his choice, so, what chance does a man or woman stand at finding a companion when so many of us are afraid to even consider dating them?"

Wait, did I say I wasn't going to say much? Oops!

More Wordgirl

2008-09-30T21:35:00.002-07:00

This is my favorite episode of all. I hope you like it too!

The Negative Influence of TV

2008-09-30T12:07:00.008-07:00

I love PBS kids!! I love that PBS kids is so fabulous, because it wouldn’t really be wise for someone like myself (who often gets very bored and lonely and open to distractions from my housewife duties) to have cable television. So, for that reason, I will repeat that I LOVE PBS Kids.

My favorite show, as I’ve mentioned before, is Wordgirl. This show is crazy funny, and I highly recommend it to most people I meet, which must be a little strange coming from a 33 year old woman. Still, you are welcome to judge for yourself if I’m right or just a little crazy.

Back to the influence thing: Aidan was watching said show, and the Butcher was making forgeries of famous art out of meat spread. Wordgirl only realized it at the last minute and ordered Captain Huggy-Face to take a bite out of the statue. Unsure of whether or not to trust it, the police commissioner thought he’d examine the statue for himself and ordered his deputy to “Get me a cracker.” Less than a second later, Aidan looked at me with a thoroughly grumpy face and demanded, “Get me a cracker.” This guy really likes crackers and would live off of them if allowed to. Thanks a lot, Wordgirl! (But I still love you!!)

Anyway, I did the only smart thing to do in such a situation. I laughed. And he smiled (it looked something like this).

Married 9 years and counting!

2008-09-20T21:23:00.005-07:00

On September 18, 1999, the most handsome man in the world took me to the Mount Timpanogos temple, and we were married for time and all eternity. Afterward there were lots of photos, a luncheon at Thanksgiving Point, a ring ceremony where my dad walked me down the aisle (while Rachael played the Pachelbel Canon), and a reception at the Springville Art Museum. We danced twice to our special song, "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel - the first time we didn't have an audience. (I must add that “Video Killed the Radio Star” was also on our playlist. Yeah, we’re pretty silly people). We were our own MC's, which made things feel a little chaotic, but it was still fun. Poor David had a migraine, so when we cut the cake and fed it to each other, he was begging me in a whisper, "Please don't shove it in my face, or I'll throw up!" Of course, I respected his wishes. (He was too cute to make sick, and the tux was a rental).

Despite the imperfections of the day, some small and others not so small, it was still a lovely day. And, in a moment of romantic bliss during a photo shoot at the museum, my honey looked down at me with his 80’s rock star haircut and baby brown eyes and said with so much tenderness, “We're married, Sweetie!”

Sometimes life is very, very good.

Carbon Monoxide Detectors

2008-09-17T22:18:00.004-07:00

On Monday night, our smoke alarm/CO detector beeped at us at around bedtime. At first we were unsure what was being alerted. We actually noticed a gas smell in the laundry/utility area. Feeling somewhat befuddled, David asked to consult the manual for the detectors. Suddenly he said, "Wow. It's the carbon monoxide signal." We were instructed to get out to fresh air and call the gas company. We did all of the above, which required dressing the mostly naked 3 year old (he looked cute before and after), grabbing and waking the swaddled baby (who also looked cute and made some very funny "arrgh!" noises on and off to express his confusion), and thrust our little family into the (thankfully) not-too-freezing night air. Our wonderful next door neighbor loaned us the use of her phone and a blanket to keep the baby warm. Sophie was actually very excited about the whole thing. I don't think she understood that it was pretty serious.

It turned out that our water heater needed cleaning and (for scientific reasons I can't fully understand) was emitting large quantities of CO into our home. The measurement was 90 something or other. According to the very nice man who came, it starts looking bad at 10. If I hadn't been crying a lot that day, I would've guessed it was the cause of my yucky headache.

Anyway, we're grateful that our old smoke detectors went on the blink last year and that we, under the recommendation of a good friend, upgraded to the current ones we have. (The old ones didn't have a CO monitor as well). I had originally balked a little at the expense (all of the units together came to about $200, if I'm remembering correctly). I have no complaints at all now. We're also humbled to be reminded that, as expensive as the annual furnace and water heater check-ups are, they are a much better alternative to becoming a headline in local newspaper. I won't even make up an imaginary headline, because it would be creepy (and I've been a bit melodramatic already). Anyway, you get the point!

So - Carbon Monoxide Detectors - As Woody would say, "If you don't have one, get one!"

Wanna see something kind of fun?

2008-09-16T13:18:00.014-07:00

Left and above - Sophie (3) and Aidan (3 mos)
Right - Sophie (6) and Ian (3 mos)

And I've been so sure that Ian is a carbon copy of Aidan. Oh well! They're equally cute and fun! Sophie has hardly changed (despite the missing front teeth now).

And finally, here are my 3 babies in all their glory! (Well, as of a couple of weeks ago...)

Where have the years gone?

Wanted For Questioning

2008-08-20T20:29:00.005-07:00

The police are currently on the lookout for the above individual. Aidan David Graham, age 3, is found in connection with many horrible crimes which include destroying a printer back in 2006, messing up a family room only minutes after it was cleaned, and saturating a mother who was trying to bathe her children. If any of you have information leading to the apprehension of this individual, please contact the authorities immediately. We advise you not to approach the suspect, as he is extremely cute and will likely distract you from your original objective with his delightful ears and winning smile. (Though you may succeed in distracting him by yelling, "Free bobblecue!")

Thank you for your cooperation.

(For anyone confused by this: This is Aidan's passport photo, and I think it looks like a mugshot. Also, the term "bobble-cue" comes from Wordgirl, a fabulous PBS Kids show, which we all like very much. The Butcher tends to butcher the English language with words like "bobblecue" (barbecue) and "diskapointy" (disappointed). If you've not seen this show, I HIGHLY recommend it!)

I Love to Wean!!!

2008-08-17T16:34:00.011-07:00

WARNING: Don't read this if you are having breastfeeding challenges, but you are determined to overcome them. Don't give up if you feel good about breastfeeding. I don't want to be a bad influence. But...

I won't give lots of detail, but from the title of this post you might've guessed that, after many tears, debate with my husband, prayer, lots of lost sleep, pain, etc., we decided to give up the benefits of breastfeeding in favor of bottle feeding. As it was with Sophie at 6 weeks (who pulled away from the breast and wouldn't nurse anymore), and Aidan (who was slowly killing me with sleep deprivation and starvation, etc.), it has totally been the right thing for me to do.

Here are some of the reasons I'm glad we weened Ian:

His daytime feedings are no longer 1 1/2 hours apart on a regular basis. (I kept thinking, "Is this a growth spurt? What am I missing here? I thought growth spurts typically lasted just a few days at a time." Yeah, yeah, you may argue I was misreading his cues, but I'll not defend myself on that matter. I know he wanted to feed.
My chest doesn't hurt anymore, and I get to wear a bra everyday and all day, if I like - and I like!
I'm not starving anymore. I get to eat dairy, peanut butter, fruit, etc.
My baby is happier more often.
I don't have to change my top in the middle of the night.
I get to sleep and pawn off night time feedings on my spouse.
I have energy to actually do stuff. Lactating really exhausted me (not to mention all of the night-time feedings).
My baby is kind of poochy. As a matter of fact, I'm convinced he gained one pound the first week off the breast. Sounds crazy, yes, but when my babies are a little chubbier, they're a lot happier!

(Doesn't he look happy?)

And the final reason it was right for me:

The day after we weaned Ian, I said, "Sophie, can you tell that Mommy is feeling better today?" Sophie replied, "Yeah, Mommy, you haven't even yelled at us at all yet!"

Don't get me wrong, I kind of liked that purple mouth look. It was pretty punk!

Got Milk?

2008-07-18T12:08:00.005-07:00

I do, but that doesn't mean my life as a nursing mother is fun. Here's what breastfeeding means for me:

-Yeast: I have never nursed a baby and not had yeast in my milk ducts early on. The word is "ouch." Yeast makes for extra gassy babies (as if newborns weren't gassy enough) with painful raised rashes (if you aren't careful and using a ton of Bag Balm and Desitin) and usually white patches in the mouth and a "milk" tongue. It also brings along with it a sensitive, painful chest (I'm avoiding using the "n" word) and shooting pains while nursing and during letdown. It is hard to eradicate as Mom and baby must be treated concurrently and often end up reinfecting each other. You also have to use lots of bleach and/or vinegar when washing clothing and towels that come in contact with those areas, or those articles will reinfect you. Oh, yeast is loads of fun!!

-Dietary limitations: In order to decrease the risk of yeast, or to increase the chance of full recovery, I must limit sugar consumption. Amazingly, when I get stressed, I crave sugar. (Or is that the yeast causing the craving? I don't know.) We tried sugar-free candy, but I must have an allergy or something. On a couple of evenings after eating Sugar-free Twizzlers, I had such severe gas pains that I was bent over and unable to move for awhile. It was a little scary.

This sugar limitation is in addition to my avoidance of dairy and peanut butter until Ian is at least 3 months old. My last baby had bloody stools when I ate these foods, and I don't want to risk it this time. We'll see how things go when he's 12 weeks. So you know those reasonably healthy, quick foods that you can pull together in a pinch, like Ravioli for dinner or cheese sticks and yogurt for snacks? No can do.

-Immodesty: Back to the yeast thing - gotta get air. No I'm not doing the Brazillian beach thing and going topless (like you need that image in your head). I just have to limit the number of layers I'm wearing on top whenever possible. So, though I desire to get out and have more freedom, getting fully dressed for public often makes the problem worse. (Like when you've started Diflucin and start feeling better, and then you have four hours out on Sunday for church and choir, and you start feeling ouchy again on Monday? Hmmm...) I don't love it.

The rest of my challenges are the typical stuff: being a human pacifier, leaking a lot, lots of laundry to do (with fragrance free detergent, I must add), not being able to get out that much or share Ian responsibilities very much, waking after 3 or 4 hours of sleep panicking that my milk will dry up during the night if Ian sleeps too well. You know, the usual.

All of this makes a certain event this week even more exciting: Ian accepted a bottle from David on Wednesday! Sure it was only 1 ounce of breast milk, but hey, that still means we're starting to look at a little more freedom for me. Also, if it turns out that breastfeeding is robbing me of my sanity (don't worry, we're not there yet), then we have other options. Hurray!!!

Okay, okay... I have to mention the positive stuff. So far, it looks like there's plenty of milk, as he's gaining just fine and meets his diaper quota. (It's hard to tell, but he sleeps pretty well and looks a bit poochy). Also, he's really cute and loves to nurse. So he's pretty happy for now! You can't beat the price, and in our chaotic state, it helps to not have 50 bottles to wash every day. So, there I'm being positive!

Let's just hope we can get some of these other problems fixed. I'm dying for a big bowl of ice cream or a yummy P,B, & J!!

All the World's a Stage... and kids often get the best lines

2008-07-18T11:50:00.001-07:00

We were in the kitchen and Aidan was projecting ahead to future purchases of Legos Star Wars and Indiana Jones toys. (He does this a lot. He even mentions it in prayers.) Sophie is apparently getting sick of his running commentary on said toys and came out with the following:

"You think Legos Star Wars and Indiana Jones are the only Legos in the country?!"

Aidan's great line for the day was less creative, but equally enjoyable to me. After trying a new kind of fruit snack (he likes very few kinds), he complained, "I don't like these fruit snacks. Give me a break!" (Apparently he hears someone say that a lot these days).

Whisperer, Wise, Weissbluth or... Whatever Works! A Cry for Advice (or at least validation)...

2008-07-02T10:25:00.013-07:00

When I have a baby, the first thing I do is panic. The second thing I do is run to the books.

You see, even though this is my third baby, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I space my babies so far apart that I cannot, for the life of me, remember what we did before that made me enjoy having a baby enough to want another one again. I mean, they're cute and all, but when I'm short on rest, nutrition, and some semblance of a routine, I feel pretty much like I'm going crazy. So I need all the help I can get.

The problem with books is that a) many of them contradict each other, and b) some of the advice is extremely difficult to implement. Take the Baby Whisperer books (God bless her and may she rest peacefully!). Having a breastfed baby on a perfect 3 hour start to start routine, with your baby taking all sleep in his crib from day 1, taking a pacifier, etc., is so difficult. Breastmilk production changes throughout the day as mom gets more tired, some babies (mine, at least) have a very hard time moving back and forth from the pacifier to the breast (he hasn't really taken a binki or a bottle yet), and, somewhere around 2 weeks post-due date, my baby stopped staying asleep in the crib. The baby whisperer says, "It must be gas or reflux." Yes, you're probably right, but I don't think it's abnormal gas or reflux that would require medication. So I ask "What's the actual percentage of babies who start taking all sleep in the crib from day 1 and never stray from it?" I'm really curious.

Another Tracy Hogg (AKA Baby Whisperer) method is the "Shush-pat" method of soothing them to sleep under 3 months of age. I used it for 5 days, determined to get him to sleep without having to nurse him to sleep. He was about 1 week old when I started. After 5 days of having him cry on and off for 15 minutes while I put him down, with me hovering over him shushing and patting with my sore, aching 1 week post-partum body at least 4 or 5 times a day. I kept thinking, "How many more weeks will I have to do this?" I finally decided that I couldn't stand another day, let alone the months ahead. I went online and into the books again and searched to see when they'd "catch on" and not need quite as much soothing to sleep. The answer: When they're under 3 months, they really can't self-soothe. The meaning: I had better be okay shushing and patting for a number of more weeks, or I need to be okay with a different method. I returned the original "prop" of nursing him to sleep. My guilt waxed, but my sanity started to return.

Babywise had an interesting quote. It commented that it won't hurt your baby to cry for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I totally agree that, if you're going crazy and you're trying to calm down and avoid shaking a baby, it's much better to leave them alone for a little while and let them cry if necessary. But the quote did not differentiate between a 2 week old baby and a 4 month old baby. I believe that a 4 month old would be fine if allow to cry, because they can learn to self-soothe. I'm back with the Baby Whisperer on Baby's inability to self-soothe. Hence, the 2 week old crying for so long is likely to have some problems. But, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

Then there's Dr. Weissbluth (my personal favorite). He talks a lot about the biology of a new baby, and, according to him, most babies enter a fussy phase at 2 weeks post due-date which peaks at 6 weeks and is usually completely gone by 12 weeks. An immature nervous system is acknowledged as one culprit. He also includes an article by a lactation consultant who points out the most newborns are gassy and have some reflux, and it usually clears up by about 12 weeks. So Weissbluth basically says, "Try to meet their needs for sucking and rocking and holding during that fussy phase. You can't spoil them. Also, my condolences, but life will be hardest between 4and 6 weeks, but should get progressively better after that. Do all you can to take care of yourself and get help from others."

Why do I favor Weissbluth? Because I HAVE TO!!! I clung to my Baby Whisperer book for the first week we had Ian home, and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown in no time. I tried to stick to her ideas, but I was so exhausted and terrified that I'd end up leaving David and the kids forever and join a rock band or something. It was awful.

I love routine. I love order, and I really do believe in a home where there is structure. The Baby Whisperer and Babywise make a lot of sense. The baby needs to learn to live in a family. They thrive when you guide their care. But, will someone please acknowledge that many babies have that fussy phase, or am I just crazy? Well, according to Weissbluth, I'm not crazy. But why is it that so few of the moms I know acknowledge that period of time? Did their baby not go through it? Did they not even try to structure the baby's life until they were 3 months old, so they didn't see any difference? Or have they forgotten.

By the way, I personally think it's a sin to forget how hard newborn life is. If a mother of a newborn asks, "Did you ever have problems with breastfeeding?", it's your responsibility to either say, "Actually, no, but I think I was kind of lucky that way," or you should immediately empathize with them. Authoritative advice should be left until after the commiseration. I left a Relief Society activity one night only to go home and cry my eyes out for over an hour, because I was gushing my frustrations over breastfeeding, and I got bit of advice but no empathy. Either nursing was easy for them, or they didn't feel like answering at all. (I decided that was the wrong time, place, and crowd to express my frustrations over something that makes me so emotional. It wasn't their fault.)

So I have to ask you: Did any of your babies have a stage at the beginning where they need to be held all of the time or took all of their sleep in a swing? Did any of your babies refuse a pacifier for a long time (or get way confused by one)? I really have to know. If your babies were "angels" who never hit those phases, then I am extremely jealous of you and will stare, green-eyed at you next time I see you. :)

But seriously, can anyone out there relate?

All of that said, he's so special. Here are some of the many faces of Ian Michael Graham, my little love (AKA "Little Chicken" or, sometimes to his Daddy, "Grumpy Chicken"):

Snuggling with Daddy! (I'm a little jealous of the short one, as I have very little snuggle time with Daddy).

He is adored by Sophie and Aidan, and I just know that he loves it, even when he gets fussy a second later.

I like to call this one on the left "Put Your Hands Up and Don't Make Any Sudden Movements"

I like when my babies sneeze. I don't feel quite the same when they hiccup.

"Yawn and stretch and try to come to life..." (though he looks like he's saluting someone)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO handsome!!

I guess we can just tough out this hard period. He's worth it!

No Stress, Part Two (or The Way My Labor Went) - God is Gracious

2008-06-18T16:42:00.003-07:00

NOTE: I typically edit the heck out of my posts. I can't take the time to do that. So, if my writing is something like that of an eighth-grader, please forgive me.

I don't mean to get all "holy-roller" on everyone (though most of my friends who read this blog are pretty "holy-roller" themselves), but I had to include "God is Gracious" in the post title for reasons which will become clear.

So, I knew that many of my friends would be curious to hear how our little man arrived. For those who I've failed inform, Ian Michael Graham was born on May 30th at 1:36 AM, weighing in at 8 pounds 2 ounces and standing (well, laying) 20.5 inches tall. He's just beautiful! See...

Anyway, Ian's arrival was another proof of a theory I have: When I really want something badly enough, God sends me... what He wants for me. For example, while I waited for my mission call, friends would ask, "So, Dianna, where do you want to go?" I would answer, "I'd love to go somewhere foreign, anywhere in Europe would be cool. I just don't like Spanish and hot areas." So, He called me to The Philippines - where most of the languages include a lot of illegitimate Spanish words, and the climate is very hot. Oh well! I loved my mission. I love my Ian infinitely more, so it didn't matter how he came.

After the Tuesday when I had my check-up and the two NST's, David and I made a date for a Thursday night NST at the hospital. We both had mixed feelings. Of course, we didn't want there to be distress for our baby and a reason to induce. We were anxious, however, for him to be here and to have the worry done. I just knew that, if nothing else happened, Ian was likely to pass mechonium and endanger himself that way.

So we packed up our bag, the birthday cake and fresh OJ, dropped the kids off at Annie and Joel's (David's parents), and headed up to AF hospital. Unlike Tuesday evening's NST, where Ian looked great, there were variables all over the place. His heartbeat would look great, and then he'd have a drop. It was frustrating, scary, sad, etc. Noone was screaming, "Quick, let's get her a C-section," but it was pretty clear after about an hour that we should just induce the labor. Again, I felt a ton of emotions - anxiety, disappointment, fear, guilt (that I was so reluctant to induce), etc.

I've been prejudiced against Pitocin for years, because I was convinced that most of the trauma following Sophie's birth was due to "Pit," as they say. I was wrong. My post-labor trauma back in 2002 was not the Pit, but sure is some fun stuff. First, they start off with just a little. The number was 4 something or others (ml's? cc's? I don't know). Anyway, I was tempted to show a shot of my birth plan and then describe each way we had to stray from it. It was so pretty. It had terms like "no IV's" and "intermittent fetal monitoring." Of course, these were impossible.

So, it went like this. They started me on Pit. Then they upped it, because, though my contractions started coming steadily, they weren't taking me out or lasting more then 30 seconds. David and I did some walking with the wireless monitor. Then we headed in to rest. The final number, I think, was "12" or "14" - one of those two. In other words, they started to give me the full dose of Pitocin. The contractions did start to take a lot of focus, and I started needing more potty breaks.

Oh, I should add that Heavenly Father loves me. The first gift he gave us: my cervix was dilated to 5 before we even started at about 9:30ish. I was halfway there at the beginning.

Due to the use of Pitocin and Ian's monitor variables, the monitoring was continuous. I did not protest. We were all worried. Our original hope was that the Pitocin would get me going and then I'd be able to labor naturally. I don't know how bad Ian's variables got, but my midwives decided instead that I should ride the full Pitocin wave.

At one point, probably around midnight, I felt my water break, and, in an instant, deep, burning pain swelled in my lower back. It wasn't clear to everyone, but I was pretty sure the waters had broken. From that point, my deep breathing turned to a crescendoing moan. Each contraction was about 45 seconds - 1 minute long. (I couldn't time them or anything - they were just long enough for me to hit forte by the peak of each contraction). Suddenly, it was clear to everyone that my water had broken, and the fluid was brown. (Big fat surprise!) It wasn't too scary, and the monitor looked okay. Soon after, it was declared that "the cervix (was) gone." (AKA, dilated to 10 and time to push). They asked, "Do you feel an urge to push?" I answered, "I feel a desire to!" (I guess I still had a sense of humor, or I didn't know how to describe what I felt). Well, actually the cervix wasn't quite gone. There was a lip on the cervix. We discovered this after a bit of progress free pushing.

I have a friend who has had a lip on the cervix with at least 2 of her births, and she said that it was terribly painful. She was not lying. The midwives took turns pushing back on the lip as I pushed with contractions. I could hardly restrain myself from screaming with each push. When the more experienced, less gentle midwife pushed, I couldn't help but grab her hand to try and stop her. I wasn't trying to be a bad patient. It was just so painful, and I was tired and feeling a little out of control at that point. Thank goodness, she, in her lack of gentility, succeeded in getting rid of the darn thing. Then the cervix was really gone. We thought that Ian's birth was imminent.

Still, my pushes showed little progress. Where was this guy? I had them place a mirror for me to help me with my pushing (SO worth it), and I couldn't believe that he wasn't crowning within minutes. Then, it became clear that he was posterior (not surprising to me with that back-pain). In the meantime, with the cervix gone, a nurse had to constantly search for Ian's heartbeat with monitor. He was okay, but the variables were as strong as ever. I asked from time to time how he was, and the answer was basically, "He's okay, but let's hurry and get him out."

Another gift from God - there was an OB present who had a magic touch. I don't know if it was to observe the newer of the two midwives, or if it was because this wasn't a routine labor and there was a decent chance that we'd need a C-section. Anyway, this lovely man, whose name I don't know, was asked to turn the baby. I was told not to push with a contraction. I cooperated, and this man, with very little effort, turned Ian almost painlessly for me. (Well, compared to the lip on the cervix stuff, most things would feel painless).

Within a few minutes, Ian started to appear. Then, the part of labor which always surprises me came. When they're crowning, it's just kind of scary. I felt like my body might rip to little shreds. I wanted to yell, "Someone please get some lubricant or something." (Sorry if I'm grossing anyone out). I tried to push, but there was a part of me that thought, "If I push too hard, I'll never walk again." I also think I was tired, and I was trying to follow "the rules" where you just push with the contractions. Yet, I could hear what seemed like the distant sound of a fetal monitor. This time, the heartbeat was slower than before. I could tell that his heartrate had dropped. There were no variables.

Finally, Mindy (the ungentle, expert midwife who I still feel like I owe an apology to) pulled out the perfect threat to "inspire" me. "Dianna, if he's not born in the next couple of pushes, we'll have to give you an episiotomy." I answered, so that it was clear that I wanted to cooperate (I still felt guilty about grabbing Mindy's hand), "If you need to, then do it." Then, the reality of an episiotomy hit me. The last time a doctor cut me, it was like a seamstress picking out fabric. One snip, and then I tore as far as you could tear. I heard the OB ask why they hesitated, and Mindy said, "She's had a 4th degree tear."

Then it all really hit me. Ian was in danger. There would be no C-section, but he had to come now. So, with the next contraction, I pushed and pushed. No baby yet. Then the contraction left, and I pushed and pushed anyway, and suddenly he was there.

He was so beautiful and long and...white. He was also wearing his cord every which way. The midwife who caught him had this manic look in her eyes as she unwrapped the cord from his neck, then one arm, then his waist, then his next arm. It was stunning. The fluid that he landed in was dark brown - there was a ton of mechonium. I know that David and I were convinced that he'd be life-flighted to UVRMC within hours for aspirating mechonium, just like his big brother.

There was an even bigger shock, however. There was a knot in the cord - a "true knot," they said. Somewhere along the line, when Ian was smaller, he swam a knot into his cord, and, though I don't believe it was pulled taut until he was born, it was a scary, ugly thing. When ever he stretched or when his body had pushed against the knot (in utero), his blood flow decreased and his heart-rate dropped.

Though I've already said too much detail, you know the rest about how gross and icky labor can be. And while the midwives attended to me and gave me instructions, etc., I stared at the incubator. There was no "waiting for the cord to stop pulsing before clamping" or "letting David cut the cord." Ian was brought to the incubator and the nurse and aspiration specialist worked on the white baby and get him going. But he moved and cried a strained cry. He was still with us. David asked, after the doctor had worked awhile, "Did he aspirate it?" The doctor was unsure, but they were going to give him some oxygen just to be safe. They wrapped Ian quickly and let me hold him for a quick second. Then he was off.

Two and a half hours later, he was with us. Hurray! Just having Ian alive was a gift enough, as many nurses and doctors said that knots often come with still-births. (Yes, it's a horrible thought.) Another great gift from Heavenly Father was that, despite his horrible distress in labor and the mud that he was floating in, Ian did not breath it. Once in the nursery, he was given a couple of IV's, but he didn't even need oxygen at all.

So I guess I don't get to have my "dream labor" after all. Oh well! I did ride the Pit wave without pain medication. (I'm not sure they would've given me any if I had asked. An epidural might've slowed down the labor, which was too dangerous). It was a very humbling experience, though. After Aidan's birth, I felt so empowered having gone unmedicated, and part of me balked a little at epidurals. I'm glad I didn't have one in this, but I couldn't judge anyone for wanting one. The pain, though all of it completely worth it, felt to me like one of the Gethsemane's of my life. It was very, very humbling.

So, God is gracious indeed. Though Ian's birth was the most ill-fated, his was the only of the three where the baby and I were ready for each other within a few hours. Despite this even more sobering period of anxiety known as "postpartum with a newborn," he's a good, healthy little guy. He's so sweet!!

Incidentally, (and I've already ruined this by telling everyone again and again), Ian is a Scottish form of John. I like the name John. I know a John who I like very much, but I didnt want things to go to his head or anything. (Love you, Dad!) Anyway, more than anything I like the meaning of John - "God is Gracious." He truly is.

No Stress...

2008-05-29T15:07:00.006-07:00

On Tuesday, I went in for my 39 week obstetrics appointment with one of the AF midwives. I had eaten breakfast and lunch, but I had not had a middle of the afternoon snack/light meal because I almost spaced the appointment and only remembered it about 90 minutes in advance. In that time, I was determined to wash the kids, because washing kids is good.

I was glad I washed the kids before the appointment and didn't save it until after the appointment.

I didn't plan on being checked. Too many cervical checks can add unnecessary risk of infection or leaking. Besides, I haven't hit the due date yet, and, though I was sure that I'd dilated to at least 3 centimeters, I did not want to go on the emotional roller-coaster that is weekly cervical checks from different practitioners. The last time I went on one of those roller coasters (6+ years ago) I was told "a good 2 centimeters" at 38 weeks and then "just about 1 1/2 centimeters" at 39 weeks. Inaccuracy? Possibly. Slight regression in dilation? Also possible. (It does happen). Either way, it led to major depression and vulnerability to an unethical OB stripping my membranes without my knowledge or consent.

Sorry to be so graphic, by the way.

Anyway, the midwife and her current tag-along (a Nurse Practitioner in training) laid me back to listen to the heartbeat, and I was slightly flattered/uncertain when the midwife started asking me about my lipstick. I had a feeling she was warming me up for a little bad news. I also noticed that the "choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo" sound wasn't chugging along as fast as it usually did. "That doesn't sound right," I said. She agreed. So she ordered me a Non-Stress Test.

Okay, one of the many reasons I LOVE this OB/Midwives office is that their facility is all inclusive. They have the lab, ultrasound room, NST room, etc., all in one building. That wouldn't have meant as much to me with previous pregnancies. With Sophie and Aidan in tow, however, the less I have to travel, the better. So, we scooted off to the NST room where I settled in for 30+ minutes of reclining (which I hate) and stressing about the monitors that either kept sliding about or were shifting due to stretchy movements from the alien within.

I had another HUGE source of stress at this time (and I've yet to mention the nausea welling up in my stomach due to low blood sugar and anxiety for the well being of my baby) - Sophie and Aidan.

They are so cute, aren't they? Don't they just look like little angels sitting there on that bench? Well, those little angels are nightmarish little devils when they go to doctor's appointments for other people. It is really obnoxious. I don't think it's intentional. They're just really excited and really ready to explore.

I sat there in agony, sipping juice from the nurse and texting David with small details and hoping I'd hear from him soon, while watching my kids run from chair to chair, completely ignoring the video that the nice nurse set up for them, and closing curtains around each of the 3 NST compartments. Little bells were moved, and the taller of the two repeatedly ran in and out of the room between requests for permission to give the shorter one a sucker. All the while, my abdomen is gyrating, my stomach is churning in agony, and I'm staring anxiously at the screen trying to really understand what it is I'm supposed to be looking for.

To my relief, I finally reached David and helped him understand that I needed him. It turned out that the test looked great sometimes, but then there would be a variable (a drop in heart rate) here and there. So, I was told to get to the hospital within the next couple of hours for an extended Non-Stress Test. They also did an ultrasound to check the fluid. (He's fine. There was plenty.) David arrived just as the technician was trying to get a good 3-D shot of the baby's face (which, unfortunately didn't work out. It's okay - I think those 3-D shots look a little creepy).

David's mom was wonderful enough to pick up the kids for us so that we could grab some food (I was feeling pretty sick and anxious at that point) and head over, just David and I, to the hospital. The staff was great, the test was uncomfortable, and I cried a little from the anxiety for the baby and frustration over my inconsistent, weak contractions. (I just want to have my baby, and being in the hospital made it feel so close and yet so far away). After two hours of monitoring, they declared that the test looked great. His heartbeat was strong and doing all that it needed to do.

Of course, after this little scare, I'm due for an NST ever other day, just to play it safe. So, again David and I will make sure we're all set for a possible induction and hospital stay, and the Grahams are taking the kids again tonight. Our Thursday night date (we never have "Thursday night dates". For that matter, we rarely have "dates") will be David comforting me as I sit or lay in a less than comfortable position and pray that my little monkey isn't in there playing "Cat's Cradle" with his cord. My first son did have fun with his cord. I'm hoping this isn't a trend or something.

Incidentally, since there was a possibility of induction on Tuesday, they decided that we should have my cervix checked. The verdict then: "a good 4 centimeters and about 80% effaced." This means that induction, if deemed necessary, would likely go well. What does it say about when I'd actually go into spontaneous labor (should induction be unnecessary)? Absolutely nothing.

So if I seem a little moody or distracted these days, it's just me being on the "any day now" emotional roller coaster. Please be patient with me.

Idol Thought (the last for 2008) - Cooking with Archie

2008-05-21T12:43:00.013-07:00

Okay, I know "Cooking with Archie" is a terribly cheap title. It's no cheaper or more obnoxious, however, than the WAY OVER THE TOP boxing theme they had last night on the American Idol finale (performance, not results). Seriously, my David (the bestest David ever) and I were pretty annoyed at every boxing bit from the opening announcer and the robes to the ridiculous pre-round commentary from the boxing coach.

So I will bend your ear and take yet another indulgent hour to give my recap and reaction to the finale last night. (Again, I'm posting this before the results show). First, I was so happy to see the Davids going head to head. Though I really liked a number of the other contestants (what a great year for Idol!), these two were definitely the best, each in their own way. David Archuleta is one of the most naturally gifted singers ever to appear in the competition, and David Cook is one of the most complete packages as far as musicianship, vocals, and stage presence. While I favor David Cook (we've actually downloaded 4 Cook iTunes versus 2 Archuletas), I think they're both destined for success.

I was still kind of depressed last night after the finale show, though. As much as I love Archuleta with his cute, fat lips and impressive vocal gymnastics, I wanted Cook to come out and squash him. I mean, even at his best, Archuleta has never delivered the kind of unique artistry that Cook is capable of. We're used to being wowed by someones licks and runs on Idol, but how often have we just seen someone make great music? That's what Cook brought when he reinvented "Hello" by Lionel Richie and "You'll Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey - artistry.

For round one, each contestant was assigned a song by music producer/industry god Clive Davis. Cook was assigned "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and Archie was given "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me." Unfortunately, Cook, who had to sing first each round, lost a lot more than the backstage coin toss with this round. He was assigned a U2 song with a musically repetitive verse and a 9 word chorus. Don't get me wrong, I love U2 and that particular song, but it is so not about the melody. It's about the words, and it's a really awful choice for a vocal competition, especially up against one of Elton John's greatest songs with the beautiful, triumphant chorus. It was truly heartbreaking to watch David Cook as he performed the piece. There was no spark or individuality - no David Cook magic. On the other hand, Archuleta pulled out all the stops with a passionate rendition of his showstopper. As Simon opened a wound in David Cook and declared round one going to Archuleta, it was obvious who had the advantage in timing and song choice - Archuleta.

In round two, each contestant chose from the top ten songs in the songwriter competition. Again, though this time of his own choice, Cook was singing a song which was message, not melody, focused. It was fast and unmoving, and I didn't actually get the message because at that time my daughter was taunting me by whispering in my ear, "David Cook is going to lose." Anyway, the song did nothing for him. Archuleta's choice did a little more for him because, despite some unusually arrogant lyrics (something about looking in the mirror and seeing perfection?), it had a prettier melody and chorus and sufficient room for him to show off his vocals. Again, Simon grabbed a handful of salt for David Cook's wound and claimed round two for Archuleta.

For the 3rd and final round, David Cook chose not to resurrect one of his brilliant reconstructions from earlier in the season. Instead of "Hello"or "Billy Jean", he chose a brand new song, "The World I Know" by Collective Soul. I honestly thought it was beautiful, but it wasn't much of a departure from the original version, hence it lacked enough spark to win him back the night. Rather than trying to go in for the kill with an old favorite, he focused on vulnerability and giving a heart-felt performance. As he became emotional and choked back tears when the audience gave him a standing ovation, my David wondered aloud, "Does he feel like he didn't do a good enough job?" It wasn't completely clear whether it was gratitude or disappointment that brought on the emotion. The greatest sting came when Simon stated that he made the wrong choice and should've resurrected an old song. David consented the point.

David Archuleta, on the other hand, reached into his arsenal, and (as many of us knew he would) pulled out his most powerful weapon - "Imagine." As he did a few months ago, he skipped the 1st verse and went straight to the second verse (a Christian rejection of the lyric "Imagine there's no heaven...no religion too?" That's my guess). Starting with so little verse remaining gave David plenty of measures to, of course, repeat and embellish the final chorus, filling it through and through with runs and licks galore. Again, each note was delivered without a single flaw...

And I hated it. The thing is, it's "Imagine" by John Lennon. The song, though profound in it's meaning, is about simplicity. "Let's live in peace - Simple as that" is the message I've always gotten from that song. To hear it drawn out and used for vocal gymnastics bugged the purist in me. Yes, I know it's American Idol, and so it's to be expected. There have just been so many great moments in this season of really terrific music, not just vocal showmanship, that I'd hope it wouldn't end so cheaply.

When all was said and done, Randy and Paula both heralded Archuleta as the best singer of the season, and Simon punctuated the moment (and my pain) by declaring that we'd witnessed "a knockout." (Phooey!)

So, who do I think will win? That all depends on which fans stayed up the latest to vote and who paid the most attention to the judge commentary. It'll probably be Archuleta (who may need the win more anyway).

Who do I think will last? Both of them. Archuleta can sing anything in his sleep, and Cook is a uniquely charismatic, gifted musician. So, while David Archuleta is finishing his 3rd International concert tour to an audience with members ranging from 15 to 65 years old, David Cook will be releasing his 3rd album to great success. They'll both likely win some grammies (though in completely different categories). Archuleta's career is likely to be more explosive, while Cook's might be slower and steadier. I just hope that neither chooses to go curly headed, do a bunch of drugs, or gain a lot of weight.

One thing is for sure: After the American Idol tour is over, I don't expect we'll be seeing them on the same stage in one night ever again.

FOLLOW-UP REMARK AFTER THE RESULTS SHOW:
I just have to say that sometimes being wrong is so nice. Also, here's sending a big "Thank you" to Simon. Cook's fan base might not have voted so aggressively had Simon not branded Archuleta the winner. Still, boy was he wrong!! 56% of the votes to David Cook! You go, Fuzzy Face!

I enjoyed the finale results show very much. I have to say that Bryan Adams looked a bit gaunt but will always have a special place in my heart. (I used to have a thing for reddish blond men). Call me mean, but George Michael looked a bit like an owl.

I chuckled guiltily at the video game ads featuring Cook/Archuleta a la "Risky Business". (Very good call for Archie to wear boxers.) Donna Summers rocks my world (even though I forget that some of her music was a bit naughty - oops! I didn't really know better when I was listening to her albums at the age of 10. I must add that while my favorite song was "McArthur's Park", it was on the album which also featured "Love to Love You, Baby." If you've never heard it, consider yourself well off).

Poor Brooke kept going off key, too, in her duet with Graham Nash, but I loved the song choice for her! I love those folk singers. If I were to ever attempt to be a recording artist, that would be my genre (except I don't play the guitar. Okay, I could never be a folk singer).

Mike Meyers disgusts me. As impossible as it is for me to not laugh at a good Dr. Evil impersonation ("duck-aduck-aduck-aduck"), I still claim the right as a mother to reject Meyers' sense of humor when he's plugging an Austin Powers-esque film during a family show with viewers as young as 5 and 6. (Okay, maybe I'm a bad mom for letting my child watch TV until 9:00 last night, but it was AI and she was nuts for Archie).

At last, I was pleasantly surprised by Cook's win. I keep forgetting that it's the votes and not the judges calling things. I hope that Cook has a great career and that being the winner doesn't hurt him at all. Alas, my tender daughter was bawling for at least 30 minutes after the announcement. It took oodles of empathy, a million reassurances that David Archuleta will be a successful singer for the rest of his life, and, finally, an ultimatum from David - "If you can't calm down, then we won't be able to let you watch American Idol next year..." Between the three, Sophie started to come to terms. (Hey, that would work for me!)

At least this year her favorite was actually someone good. Last year, it was Sanjaya... Irritating!

A non-moody update, and nesting...

2008-05-06T08:43:00.008-07:00

I just wanted to reassure any humans who read the last post that I have passed through that mood pretty well. Thank you, though, to all friends who posted words of encouragement. You're all tender, and, yes, I find my babies rather cute as well. I have no idea where they got it.

So, now we're in nesting mode. I enjoy the sunshine of the mornings, because my energy returns to me full strength (well, as full strength as my body has the capacity to regain), and I become (as one Dr. Seuss did say) a "busy-buzzy bee."

So, now that David finished painting the nursery this weekend (poor man!), we just have to put all of the baby stuff back together (and put together some new stuff), do a ton of shopping, install the baby seat into the van, sort through boys' clothing, clean up as much as possible, tour and preregister at the hospital, print out a birth plan, pack the bag, get some sleep, do a bunch of exercises and take a daily walk, and give the other kids lots of snuggles. Oh yes, and we should name this poor guy.

Did I leave anything out?

Incidentally, we're open to name suggestions for the baby. Please, no first names with more than 5 syllables. My children are likely to find that overwhelming in time. I also prefer to avoid "flannel" names such as Braden, Hunter, or Payden. I just see hunting caps when I hear those names, and we're not crazy about guns.

Our current candidates are:

Collin Anders Graham

Sebastian Anders Graham

(FYI, Anders is a Scandinavian form of Andrew and a family name. We're kind of stuck on it. I also think it's a very sexy name. Sexy is requirement for men's names, in my opinion.)

Possible middle name substitute for Anders - Anton.

A would-be update...

2008-05-01T22:36:00.008-07:00

So, I won't take the time to give an Idol recap. Aren't you relieved? Suffice to say that I still love the show, and it was sad to see Brooke's expected departure. I really liked her, and that boy with the dreads is getting away with murder these days.

For anyone interested, I have a theory on why I've spent so much time publishing AI commentary. It occurred to me as I attempted to draft an Idol-free update on our family on Tuesday night. I'm really moody these days!! This isn't really a surprise to anyone, especially to me, but it's just a little sad when you can actually see tangible evidence of your moodiness.

You see, I started the post with an update about David's work, which is going very well. Ironically, I had such difficulty restraining myself from pointing out how stressful his most recent adventure was (a good, but eventually rejected job offer from a different company) and how he was given a hard time from someone he respected. (I'm not allowed to elaborate on this, lucky you!)

Then I moved on to a Sophie anecdote which, I realized, would actually qualify as a "green potato chip" story. For those of you who are not avid PBS-Kids viewers (in other words, most of you), a "green potato chip" story is one which we might find cute and enjoy telling about our children but which would really embarrass them. I've adopted this term with the inspiration of a brilliant episode of Arthur, where DW hogs a bag of chips and eats the green one only to later be convinced by her mischievous brother that the green chips are poisonous. DW believes that she'll die at first, but things eventually get resolved. Unfortunately, she becomes a rather mortified local celebrity when her Mom unwittingly shares the story with everyone she knows, including Buster's journalist mother. The episode's genius is punctuated by Binky's presentation of a ballet he choreographed called "The Green Potato Chip," based on his own similar experience. Pure magic!

But seriously, it's so easy to forget that these little people, though being shorter than us, are still loaded with feeling and consciousness as fragile as our own. So, I drafted my GPC story and then realized that it would be unfair to my little lamb. So, that update wasn't so great.

Finally, I got on the subject of painting the kids' room and the nursery. There wasn't much positive to say about the task (as of today, uncompleted). All I could think of was the stress, disappointment, and helplessness of it all. Yuck! Who needs to hear about that? Hopefully the toughest part of it is over, but I haven't started singing yet (and I am pretty poochy these days), so it's not over.

So, I deleted the post. I hope this was a decent substitute .

Well, I think that's why I love to go off on menial subjects like "American Idol." I mean, it's really hard to be moody about a singing contest, isn't it? And, frankly, I get pretty emotional about impending labor experiences. So far, we're 0 for 2 on the "have that little bundle of joy and then get to hold and nurse them soon after" experience. I promise not to elaborate on that, only to say that when my first doctors and David and I did everything wrong, I ended up in horrible shape after the delivery. Then, when we and our second doctor (who was so wonderful, I assure you) did everything right (except for pulling out our crystal ball and predicting that the baby would pass stools and then wear his umbilical cord like a backpack so he just couldn't avoid breathing in mud on the way out), the baby wasn't doing so well after birth. (Aidan was having a ball before birth!) So, what's this poor nameless guy have in store? Only time and another honest attempt to do our very best will tell. Honestly, we really did do our best those first two times. I swear.

See, I told you I was moody. Okay, so this I'll remember - faith, preparation, and gratitude. Faith that, if we do our part, things will work out as they should. We're doing our part, so they will. Preparation for normal and healthy while expecting the unexpected (which right now is - normal and healthy). Gratitude that despite the trials of labors #1 & #2, there are these delightful little people running around all healthy and nutty in our house everyday. Also, all signs show so far that mystery man #3 is healthy and whole, and, despite my mood, so am I. There, that's the spirit!

So, here's my recommitment to a positive attitude (and a humble request for just your faith and prayers). I hope that you too can have a little faith, preparation, and gratitude in your respective lives. Thanks for the listening ear. Somehow, I'm guessing that most of you will understand this a little better than the short blonds in my life. Alas, none of you are as cute as they are. Sorry.

Again with the Idol thing: Carly? Hmmm...This is getting confusing...

2008-04-24T21:03:00.005-07:00

Or maybe there are a lot more people out there who aren't big Jesus Christ Superstar fans? I'll come back to this speculation, but, as this Tuesday's show had a special place for me, I'll first indulge in a recap of Tuesday with some commentary.

The theme: The music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Now, Lord Webber, while being one of the most well known musical theatre composers of all time, is not viewed in the musical theatre world as a genius. His melodies, compositions, and lyrics are often over-simplistic, even predictable. His best work, in my opinion, is some of his earliest stuff, like Evita or Superstar. He is respected, however, for making Broadway popular, and he can certainly boast some of the longest running shows EVER. (For example, Jason, there's this one show called Cats...)

I have to admit that I was a little prejudiced against him because he's so popular and yet so inferior to many of the greats. So, it was very humbling to see what a nice man he appears to be. Just darling! Maybe it was the Idol take on him and just kind media, but he certainly doesn't seem to have let his popularity go to his head...that much.

So, in Tuesday night's show, Syesha Mercardo opened the show with quite a bang. Am I surprised? No. I've been saying for weeks that since she's an actress (assuming she's a good actress), then she should go to Broadway. I hope that she does. She's absolutely darling. I have no idea what show "One Rock and Roll Too Many" is from, and, frankly, it wasn't much of a song, but she was in her element. I was happy for her and a bit sad that she made the bottom two.

Now Jason Castro seems like a nice boy. I think he's very good looking, even with the dreads. When he picks something that is in his groove, he's really on. I must say, however, that I don't think there is really any excuse for not knowing that "Memory" was sung by a cat. Hello?! I mean, it's only one of the longest running, most overrated shows ever. It's also one of Webber's greatest songs. (Thank you, Trevor Nunn!) Jason was so off when he picked that song. There are not enough words to describe how little justice he did to the song, so I'll just leave it at this - his performance really stunk.

David Archuleta was 3rd in the line-up. So, what should I say about him? He's got such great pipes, and his song was just fine. It just seemed like a huge waste that he chose the song "Think of Me," a song that is pretty much irrelevant to the show it's in, and turned it into an upbeat pop song. The Stevie Wonder feel was fun, and it's kind of worked, but he couldn't try something more exciting, like "High Flying Adored" or something? I mean, the guy can sing anything, and he decided to popify a showtune? Oh well, he did fine, and he'll probably be in the finale.

Now, poor Brooke White inadvertently made Idol history on Tuesday by stopping and restarting a song after one line. It was an unfortunate choice, but it was probably the right choice. She could have babbled through the first half of her song, but she instead chose to restart it and sing it completely through without mistakes. In the context of an actual musical, it would've been a mortal sin; but in a concert setting like the American Idol stage, it's much more passable. It was human, and that's part of why we all like her so much. She's unique, a very good musician, a profoundly kind, sensitive human being, and she gives a lot of passion and vulnerability to her performing. Unlike Jason, she picked the perfect song ("You Must Love Me" from Evita the film), and she did a nice job with it. So, I hope that some time before she dies people will STOP RUBBING IT IN!

I'll come back to Carly, who was 5th in the line-up.

David Cook, who closed the show, sang "Music of the Night" from that one show everyone knows. Incidentally, I think he has watched the playback and has learned that when he smiles just a little during the song, it makes him more handsome. Also, he has let his beard fill out a little more, and it doesn't look as much like he's a slob who keeps forgetting to shave for a couple of days before the show. More importantly, he sang the song rather beautifully, excluding the last two notes. It was a little strange actually. He sang almost the entire song as written, give or take a tiny variation in the middle, and then he wimped out of the true ending of the song by ending it loudly instead of softly. It didn't work for me. Still, we all knew that wouldn't stop him from going on. He's still pretty fabulous, and I think he deserves to win.

So, why did Carly go home? This is a theory. She wasn't terribly likeable. Carly had a defensiveness about her that I think bothered people a little. She reminded me of some people I went to the Y with who were crazy talented (just like Carly), but a little tough and callous and, at times, mean. I just don't think she seem very genuine when she was trying to be vulnerable, and she didn't seem very secure when she was trying to appear so. Audience members pick up on facades like that.

Another theory: I think Carly may have shot herself in the foot with her song choice. Though she sounded great and strong, J.C. Superstar is pretty contraversial material. Even if you don't know the show well, it's pretty clear from the title song (which she chose) that the show is not exactly a respectful, reverent take on the Savior. I wouldn't be surprised if a huge percentage of AI viewers are Christians, practicing and non-practicing, who might've felt a little uncomfortable with a rock and roll song calling the title character a superstar and asking him why he let everything get "so out of hand." Just a theory.

Of course, the song choice could've been a bad one because it's obscure and dated. I dunno.

So, again I've ranted about the addiction that captivates me every Tuesday and Wednesday evening. And, assuming you've gotten this far, you've read the rant. Thank you. Sharing silly thoughts with friends is so much more fun then telling all of this to myself while I wash the dishes.

So, Carly, honey, you've got some great pipes. I personally think that Simon was wrong about your song choice about 80% of the time. You may be able to pull of the tough and callous rocker thing alright, but inside you're a softy just dying to sing Diva ballads.

I also think you should consider getting your tatoo removed as well, because it won't be very pretty when you are old lady. Again, just an opinion.

By the way, my husband made an interesting comment as I composed this rather long editorial. He said that, had he the time and inclination to blog about American Idol, he'd photoshop Jason into a cat costume. I'll just leave you with that image.

Another Idol thought: Michael Johns? What the?

2008-04-14T13:53:00.004-07:00

Okay, it's Monday, and this is old news for any Idol watchers, but something crazy happened last Thursday on that little contest Fox holds every year. Michael Johns, a handsome, very sweet Aussie with a great voice, a wife, and fantastic taste in music received the least votes and was sent home (before Kristi Lee Cook, no less!).

To be honest, I didn't think he'd win or anything. I was so sure he'd be with us for at least 3 or 4 more weeks, though. He had this fabulous awkwardness to his walk that made him terribly endearing, and he always chose such good songs (except for the Dolly Parton week, which was one of his most successful weeks - weirdness!). I mean, who doesn't love songs like "Don't You (Forget About Me)" from Simple Minds and "Across the Universe" by John Lennon. Even his last song, "Dream On" from Aerosmith, is one of those brilliant oldies that make me almost forgive Steve Tyler for the disturbing MTV memories of the emaciated, skeletore-like being making out with raunchy, but beautiful supermodels (creepy and unforgettable).

So where did Johns go wrong? Where did Kristi Lee go right?

Well, unless other viewers also have Aerosmith issues, Johns simply failed to make the most of Inspirational Song/Idol Gives Back week. In fact, so many failed to get last week right! I was not surprised at the bottom three at all, which included Johns, Brooke White, and Carly Smithson. Brooke chose the meaningful, but under-impressive "You've Got a Friend" while Carly made me question her IQ with the song "The Show Must Go On" by Queen. I mean, "The Show Must Go On" as an inspirational song? I can think of few songs which have a more dismal, angry message than that song. It may be a good song, but it's all about how much life stinks and sometimes you have to paint on a smile and get on with it anyway. It's not exactly about being inspired.

Another observation on Johns which may have taken him out was that, while his song choices were great, they were all originally recorded by some of the most unique and memorable voices in rock and roll. Unfortunately, he usually sounded bland compared to the originals. Who can compare, though, with the likes of Freddy Mercury, Jim Kerr, Jim Morrison, and, yes, even Steve Tyler? (Sorry, Michael, the rock screams just didn't work).

Well, we'll miss him terribly.

As for Kristi, who escaped the bottom three for the second week in a row, she may be a lot smarter than I give her credit for. I mean, it would've been un-American to vote her off for "God Bless the USA," (hence Simon's compliment of "clever choice of song") and "Anyway" was one of the only songs that actually fit the theme last week. (It's also beautiful and must be based on The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith). Still, I'm really not comfortable with an Idol contestant whose musical influences include LeAnn Rimes "when she came out with 'Blue'" and Shania Twain. The technical term for such artists is "over-rated."

Finally, I have to add something about Idol gives back. We recorded it and watched some of the clips and songs. I have a theory that Hell's population will include many former government leaders, particularly many who had power in Africa. The footage and stories were heart-wrenching, so much worse than much of what I saw in the Philippines, which absolutely has it's share of corruption and needless suffering. It was very humbling. We're blessed to be where we are and with what we have.

I also want to add that I love Annie Lennox. What more can I say? She may not always sound pretty, but she's so passionate. I may never be able to bring that kind of passion to a performance in my life. I hope that I can at least have it in my personal life.

Idol Thought: Halonga Ramielle, you cutie!

2008-04-03T20:24:00.003-07:00

Okay, so I said, "Halonga", which, rather than being "goodbye" is actually "take care." It's not Tagalog either, which is Ramielle's language. It's Hiligaynon, my most used mission language. Regardless of all of that, Ramielle Malubay, the cutest little Filipino-Hawaiin-American just got voted off of American Idol this week, and I'm a little sad to say goodbye to her. For one thing, she was so teeny and kind of needy, which I found terribly endearing. For another, she had a wonderful big voice despite her tiny body. Finally, and the most obvious reason for my sadness, she was Filipina, or Pinay (as they say over there), and that's just special to me.

(Incidentally, I must interrupt this to tell a short story about my using the word "Pinay." I was at a Relief Society dinner, and a couple of us start discussing this year's season of American Idol. I was saying how excited I was that they had Ramielle on, because she's such a cutie "and she's Pinay." Suddenly, one of the women stopped what she was saying to a neighbor and asked,"What did you just say?" I repeated the word 'Pinay', and as the word came out of my mouth, I realized what it must've sounded like. The word is pronounced pea-nie, which sounds like it could potentially be (though I assure you it is not) the plural form of another English word. Anyway, we had a little chuckle when it hit me, and she teased that I should be careful about when and where I use that word. Oops!)

Filipinos are amazingly cute people. While a majority of Filipinos (at least the Mormon Filipinos) seem to lack sufficient training, experience, and possibly talent in music (I won't even describe what hymns in church meetings usually sounded like because then you'll really think I'm a big meanie), there are still a number of Pinoys who are extraordinarily talented musicians. For instance, I'm sure you've heard of Lea Salonga, right? If not, have you seen Disney's "Mulan" or "Aladdin?" If so, you've heard Lea Salonga, who sang the roles of Jasmine and Mulan in the films. She's won a bunch of awards and stuff. She's pretty great.

Lea Salonga's just one of many great talents, some discovered and some undiscovered. In fact, I often met young men and women in the various areas where I served who could sing show tunes and Mormon-pop as well as anyone I'd ever heard. It was actually weird how someone could almost perfectly mimic famous vocalists on contemporary music but would completely butcher a simple hymn to pieces. Honestly, I still don't get it.

So, back to Ramielle: It was so hard to watch her pick the wrong song week after week while knowing that she was capable of so much more, but I must speak in her defence. First, she's so young (just 20), and she was at quite a disadvantage when they spent the first two weeks as the top 12 & 11 singing Beatles or Lennon/McCarthy songs. She was either really unfamiliar with the music of the Beatles (poor thing!), or she made that horrible mistake which some Idols make of choosing more obscure pieces of music rather than beloved hits that will resonate with and excite fans to vote. Either way, neither of her Beatles songs showed off what she was capable of.

Then we have last week, when Idols selected songs from their birth years. Either Ramielle hasn't watch this show for many seasons, or she has forgotten that Heart's "Alone" has been sung at least 2 or 3 times on the show in the last four years. I won't forget how great Carrie Underwood sounded the night she belted that song out for a #1 Hits Themed night. (Though her hair was terrible. Where do they find these stylists, and when are they going to hire someone better?!) I'm also confident that one of the top 24 last year also sang the song. Finally, though I really love Heart (Ann and Nancy, you rock my world!), such great stuff must be used sparingly, or it starts to become almost a gimmick or cliche. (Plus, if you sing Heart, you better be really, really fantastic.) So, as a side note and an amendment to the rule to use beloved hits, I really wish I could warn the Idols to be careful to not overdo such groups as Heart, Queen, Journey, etc. We're talking about sacred material here, and we don't want to cheapen it by overdoing it. The fans will not forgive you quickly, nor will they vote for you.

Finally, who would dare to say anything mean about Dolly Parton's music? She's just about the sweetest, most humble women in the music business who has endured decades of a very emotional career, not to mention being taunted again and again for her unique proportions. What a lady!

Well, I'll say something mean. Dolly Parton's music on American Idol? It's so dated! Yes, she's amazing, but it takes tremendous creativity and rearranging to make her songs accessible to the current generation. And what did our Rami do? She picked an upbeat song with a forgettable melody that, rather than showing off what an amazingly powerful voice she has, showed off how cute she is when she dances around on the stage. What a shame! Carly and Syesha were the luckiest, smartest ones in the bunch. They picked two of Dolly's most memorable songs with plenty of range and emotion. (Actually, I'm not sure Syesha was that smart. After Whitney covered Dolly's song in '93, there was no getting over her version. Yes, it was beautiful and dramatic, and it was also played about every 3 seconds on every radio station in America for months and months on end. Most people under 40 don't actually know what the original melody of that song is. Frankly, I prefer the simplicity of the original Dolly version, or, better yet, the Vince Gill and Dolly duet recorded in '95, but I'll get off this subject now).

So, was it a surprise when Rami made the bottom three this week? No. It was sad but unsurprising. It was a little shocking that Kristi Lee outlasted someone for yet another week, but what's a body to do? This year is full of so many really talented performers that the bar is just going to get higher and higher every week. I mean, who can compete with people like David Cook? He's just so fantastic! And what a cute haircut! (But, David, honey, would you please consider shaving closer to a performance sometime? I mean, is this a sensitive skin thing? It's just starting to make me a little uncomfortable.)

Ramielle, sweetie, goodbye! We will miss the joy of seeing you barely pass Ryan Seacrest's shoulders when you stand next to him. (How cute is that?!) You will have so much fun on the Top 10 Tour, though, and I highly suggest that you choose to sing one of my favorite songs ever covered by a Filipina - "You Were There" by the Southern Sons. It just might be your express ticket to stardom!

(See below for a glimpse of this sweet little ditty, covered by Regine Velasquez. I swear it'll be a hit in this country some day.)

If you thought that was nice, you must see this very special music video of the original Southern
Sons version. It makes me very happy when I see it. I hope you like it too! (Be on the lookout for my favorite moment when the "storm" starts to pass. It's just pure genius!)

By the way, Kristi Lee, you're next. As Simon would say - "Sorry."

Easter memories!

2008-03-26T10:17:00.009-07:00

Easter is my favorite holiday of the year. I believe it's mostly because of the spiritual significance. It's just a happy thing when the Christians of this world, practicing or non-practicing, can get excited about faith. Hurray! (Incidentally, I just barely learned about the Pascal greeting, which a relative tried on me and I failed to respond to properly. Oops! But, you know, I can break out with a mean rendition of "Christ the Lord is Risen Today.")

You cannot ignore, however, that while Easter equals Christmas in religious significance, it is infinitely less stressful. I mean, you don't have to do any decorating unless you want to. You are not expected, not even by yourself, to lay out lots of money on a bunch of presents. There is no pinching involved whatsoever. You don't need a costume. It's unlikely you'll be expected to travel far for visits or host a house guest, since it's just one day of festivities. You get to follow it up with at least 4 or 5 days of yummy hard boiled egg breakfasts. (I'm a big fan of those white round things). It also happens to occur during my favorite season of the year - Spring! (I did miss the tulips this year, though). It's just a lovely holiday, and that's even if the extent of your religious practices is to watch "The Ten Commandments" and wonder what was wrong with those silly Israelites. Poor Moses! You come down one day exhausted, starving, and anxious, and then you have to deal with a bunch of naked loons making a ruckus. Actually, that sounds like some of my days, to be honest.

Anyway, we had a lovely Easter, despite having a terribly messy house and being overbooked on Saturday, our shopping and preparation day. The Easter Bunny (yes, we play that game) brought us all some media. Sophie got "Enchanted", Aidan got "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command", David received a Bob Marley CD, and I received "Godspell." (Hurray for Victor Garber in suspenders with a very large afro! Amazingly enough, he was still very handsome.) Mr. Bunny also brought a lot of sugar. Our Easter spread looked like this on Sunday morning.

The kids looked like this.

You may recognize Aidan's suit from last year. The pickin's were slim at Burlington, and the time was even...slimmer? Either way, it's a delightful suit, and it makes me terribly happy when he wears it. (He looks pretty happy too, but that's probably more because he's holding his blue and black Batmans.)

Sophie had a bit more luck with her dress. Here she is with Deanna, one of her Cabbage Patch Newborns.

Cute no? Believe it or not, Sophie and Deanna's dresses came together at an amazingly low $29.99. We paid for the nice deal by searching through the chaos of Burlington Coat Factory. I don't know if I've gone off about that place yet, but it is so appallingly disorganized at ALL TIMES. It is completely unacceptable! Every time I go I want to fire everyone, especially the manager who accepts such appalling work from the staff.

What I also feel is a bit unacceptable is the fact that there is no such thing as an Easter dress with sleeves. I ask you, what do the little Christian girls in Greenland do? They can't go around in sleeveless, spaghetti strap, or tank dresses on Easter Sunday. They'd freeze their little arms off! As you see, we resorted to the slightly long sweater shawl, which added a touch of elegance while covering a little too much of her cute dress. Ah well!

Church was lovely, and we came home to prepare for dinner at the Grahams and dye Easter eggs. Sorry, I have no pictures (I know you were excited). Suffice it to say, our Easter eggs are... fun. We usually enjoy dipping each egg in several different colors until we're satisfied with the effect (or until the egg turns brown, whichever comes first).

Our Easter egg hunt and dinner at the Grahams was lovely, though when the subject of the upcoming Graham Family Reunion came up, I started to have anxiety attacks. I won't go into my reasons. I just get overwhelmed with stuff like that, especially if I remember that this baby will probably be about a month old at that time and not really ready for big crowds. Michael, the committee representative was very understanding and compassionate when we discussed it later. We were finally able to wind down the discussion at 8:00 o'clock, and, as we were driving home and the clock read 8:32, my cute husband said the following to me: "It may be a little late to mention it, but were you planning on calling family today?" My hands flew to my face, and I moaned, "I knew I forgot something."

Happily all is well, and each of the family members I've reached so far have been very patient and understanding and had their own lovely Easter Sundays.

So, we survived yet another holiday! I was just thinking, though, about how, despite the messes, inevitable frenzies, and sugar rushes, short people tend to add a bit more joy and meaning to the holidays.

You know what I mean?

By the way, indeed He is risen! Happy Belated Easter!

An Identity Crisis?!! Oh no! I knew this pregnancy was wearing me out!

2008-03-13T11:07:00.007-07:00

But seriously, looking at my blog, I see that it is strange to have my name appear as "Irina Sergeyevna." It'll be changed back to my normal name before most of you read this, but for about two hours I appeared here under a different name. As Catherine asked me who Irina is, however, I thought I'd explain and, let's be honest, reminisce a little.

Irina Sergeyevna is a role I played at BYU in 1994 in Chekhov's The Three Sisters. The youngest of the three sisters, she was inadvertently responsible for the death of the plays most beloved character, Tuzenbakh. (Though should she really blame herself when someone lets himself get killed in a pointless duel over her? I mean, really?) It wasn't my greatest work ever, but Emmie played my eldest sister, and I still call her Olga much of the time. I know, it's pretty random to call myself that when it really means something to just a few other people, but posting comments as "dianna g." has felt boring. I'll have to find some kind of middle ground, because I have the cutest picture of Sophie on my profile, and if I don't comment as a blogger, the world will miss it. Anyway, I very much see myself as Irina. She was passionate, emotional, often a bit confused, very childlike, and she had a bad habit of not getting things done (like that coveted trip to Moscow!). That pretty much sums me up most of the time!

Now my favorite role ever has a very boring name: Kate Mundy. Another good friend, Jannah, played my little sister, Christina, that time. As I already have a sister named Christina, I choose to call her Jannah. I must share, however, that my favorite cast-mate memory of Jannah is when she played Poseidon in The Odyssey. She was so brilliant that I feel really sorry for everyone in the world who missed her performance. My hand has only recently healed from the day she slammed a 5 pound trident onto my fingers when I, as Zeus, wasn't paying enough attention to her godly demands. Those were very special days!

(Incidentally, if you feel up to something like The Odyssey, you must try the Robert Fagles translation. It's hysterical genius!)

Of course, in that play, we each played multiple roles, most of which were men. Identity crisis indeed!

To Do Lists While You Have a Big Belly

2008-03-12T17:59:00.007-07:00

I have one response to them. Phooey!!

Okay, I'll elaborate. I am a Palm girl. I live in my Palm. Well, sort of. I'd live in it a little more if the touchscreen were more reliable than a Palm and didn't need reconfiguring every 20 minutes. But, I digress. Like a great old Go-Go's song once said, "I am a girl of a hundred lists..." Isn't that a nifty tune, by the way? I loved the Go-Go's!

So, each day I make an effort to review and revise my To-Do List, but during these last few days I've made very little progress shrinking it down. It has been growing and growing, and it doesn't contain a whole lot of things that make me excited. Allow me to share it with you.

I will now proceed to list my "Last 7 Days list" with due dates and explanations, because you need to know these things. This does not include anything planned for tomorrow or later. It also does not include my list of library books checked out (unless they were due in the last 7 days), life goals (one of which is to learn at least two more languages - doesn't that make me cool?), church responsibilities due in the future, shopping needs, thank yous I should be writing, and other "personal" items (a.k.a. everything else). So, back to this last weeks due dates:

- Due 3/11! - List people to pray for - I heard of this lovely idea when you have a lot of people you care about and want to pray for, but you tend to forget about by the time you kneel down exhausted by your bed (or lay on your side clutching a pillow to your expanding belly). Anyway, I've got a lot of people I should be praying for, so I'm wanting to do the list. This item, I must point out, will be like some others that do not get checked off for the day, but get a new due date assigned to them. You will see a few others like it. So, did I make the list for prayer yesterday (!)? Not yet.

-Due 3/11! - Pray for miracles in our lives - Why have I kept this one? No, really, why? I'm not sure, and I want someone else to answer it for me. I just get so moved when I'm in church and someone teaching a beautiful Relief Society lesson challenges me to pray for miracles in my life. I just have to write it down. I haven't prayed for any very specific miracles yet, but I've recently learned of some great miracles I should be praying for in some other peoples' lives. So, I'll get to work there.

-Due 3/11 (surprise!) - Easter music. Oh wait, I can check this off. I have accomplished something. I won't explain it. I just needed to send an email, and I actually did it for a change. Woo!

-Due 3/11! - Temple - I volunteered to help coordinate temple trips with other Moms of wee ones. I've shirked this so far. I'm too tired right now. I should change the due date to something more reasonable.

-Due 3/11! - Update Palm and calendar - No explanation needed, except that I must comment at what a ridiculous obsessive compulsive I am that I actually gave myself an assignment in my Palm to update my Palm. What a weirdo!

-Due 3/11! - Organists, pianists - One of the joyous responsibilities of overseeing music in the ward. You are supposed to know who has the ability to fulfill these responsibilities. I'm overdue on this one, so that's why I keep torturing myself to finish doing the updated research and send the info along to the Music Advisor. But, really, I'm pregnant and being kicked all of the time. My poor children (the ones already born) are sorely neglected. I'm exhausted. I need more time. So, this needs a better due date.

-Due 3/11! - David fix computer - It's broken. I want it fixed. Not this one I'm typing on. It's fine. Just the one that Aidan used to play on while I was on the elliptical. Oh, I had such a great system down. But the computer is broken, so you can guess what other To Do item will go undone for yet another day.

-Due 3/12 - Exercise - see last item

Okay this is getting old for you, so I'll stop. Suffice it to say that this pregnancy has just taken me by surprise, and I feel so dragged out that it's hard to get things done. (Plus, what's my problem with a million church responsibilities? I'm really overdoing this stuff). You see, I had such awful doctors and took horrible care of myself when pregnant with Sophie that I felt terrible for much of it (and I gained a ton of weight). Then, when I got some education, got better care, and took better care of myself with Aidan, I felt great. I guess it's just been a surprise that my sickness went longer on this, my 2nd trimester flew away with the holidays and other major events, and I'm now just feeling like Ripley does in Aliens when she dreams that the alien's hand is rising out of her. (It's a pretty cool scene.) Not comfy! I guess it's the 3rd time Mom or the "I'm 33 now" thing. I've really been trying to take care of myself this time around, and yet my body seems to be saying, "Okay, this has been nice, but how many more times do you think you're going to do this to me, because I'm not sure if I'll be up to it again."

So, I think the newest item on my list should be "try not to complain and keep your chin up," due daily. One thing I know I'll be adding around May 24th - "Give birth."

True Art

2008-03-06T23:26:00.003-07:00

I hope this brings a little joy to your day.

(Apparently, Aidan was supposed to pretend to sleep along with the other two, but I think this makes it even more meaningful, don't you?)

A Very Special Book...

2008-02-25T15:44:00.017-07:00

Sophie Amada Graham, kindergartner at Brookside Elementary (age 6), has written the following book with no assistance whatsoever. Though this electronic version will be a little difficult to see and will not likely do it full justice, we hope you'll enjoy it just the same. Here it is:

(Translation: Our Family by Sophie Graham - with labels for each current member)

("Our family is so sweet.")

("My Mommy is a great cook.")

("My Daddy is good with kids and makes jokes." On the left side, David is holding Sophie's hand and a baby in the other hand. On the right side, our family is all laughing at one of his "jocs.")

("Aidan likes to fight. He likes Batman." On the left, Aidan is playing a "fighting" video game, and on the right, he is dressed in his Batman costume.)

("And I like princesses and Hannah Montana.")

("And the baby in Mommy's tummy swims.")

("The end." Before anyone panics at the creative spelling, I just want to emphasise again that this was written by a kindergartner with no assistance from an adult. It's rather good considering the source.)

Here's hoping that your day is filled with the kind of joy and simplicity that this story contains. Love to all!

The Buggy Grahams go foreign...

2008-02-22T13:30:00.019-07:00

So our family took a very special trip this month. My father and step-mom have a time share in Aruba, and they invited the Wilsons (Christina and her family) and the Grahams to go and join them for the first week in February.

If you are like me and you know little or nothing about Aruba (except that it has been Dad and Shirley's favorite vacation spot for almost 18 years), you might ask someone about the place, and they'll often answer, "It's one of the ABC islands." If you are still like me and you have no idea what that means, your jaw will drop a little, and then you'll suddenly put (not get, but put) a knowing look in your eyes and say, "Oh, yeah. Uh huh." (Or a humbler person may admit that they've never heard of the ABC islands in the whole of their life, but it really just depends).

The ABC islands are Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao. (There's a really cool accent on the second C in Curacao, but I've not actually learned how to put accents on my foreign letters with this keyboard). They are three islands located in the far west of the Antilles in the Caribbean and are less than 20 miles off the coast of Venezuela. Isn't that fun information? I just like to hear the name "Antilles" because it makes me think of Once on This Island (a delightful musical).

Anyway, it's a lovely island with a very pleasant climate. They speak multiple languages (I'm allergic to Spanish, but I used a fair bit) and have iguanas, gorgeous beaches, snorkling, and happy hour. I have to chuckle, though, because Wikipedia (which I tend to rely on way too much) says that "unlike much of Caribbean region, Aruba has a dry climate" which I find to be totally false. Okay, I'll concede that I've lived in a more humid climate. Southeast Asia is quite humid in places (my hair was pretty curly on the mission), but Aruba wasn't very far behind it. Most of our clothing, once wet, remained wet until put out to dry on the patio or placed into a dryer. (It took us almost 5 days to figure out the patio trick, by which time some of that wet stuff was just gross). My skin liked it, but I noticed that everyone was a little sticky most of the time. (I tend to noticed such things, which make me a very pleasant companion). I'm sure if I'd surf the net for climate descriptions, I could come back with evidence that the Philippines is more humid, but I've already bored everyone enough with the whole ABC island explanation and the climate thingy. So, I'll proceed with a trip report:

We had an adventure! It was a very beautiful island, and the opportunity to go and stay with Dad and Shirley and see Chris and Kenny and the boys all at once was very unique and nice. Sophie loves her cousins, and she and Josh and Joey were often seen running around or playing in the pool together and making large amounts of noise. Aidan admired them and enjoyed the excitement as well.

I will refrain from giving details about Sophie's near-death experience on our first afternoon there, which frightened David and me terribly, but which is something Sophie is anxious to share with others. (Short people are very interesting.) Suffice it to say, I think we may wait to go to another beach and pool resort until all of our children know how to swim and are potty trained. You can guess the rest (or email me directly for more details).

This lovely photo is of Sophie just minutes before her near death experience. Oh how cute we thought it was that Sophie just "fell in." Little did we know what was coming...

More about the climate (because you came for a weather report): There was a lovely breeze all of the time, and the only time it was remotely unpleasant was if you were just coming out of the water in the later afternoon, and you were suddenly a wee bit frosty. When you were resting in a lounge chair, however, it was comfy.

This is a picture of a couple of natives. Well, the human natives are much more attractive and charming, but these iguanas have their own charm as well. They have keen senses of smell, sleep in palm trees, occasionally take a dip in the pool, and like to come out at lunch time if there are people eating. I rather enjoyed them (unless one was under my chair - then I was afraid of being bit on the bum), but I did not have the exciting experience of having one fall on and scratch me. (Shirley had one of those during a different visit).

About the iguanas: I couldn't tell if it was a sign of anger or something, but sometimes they'd lift their bellies from the ground and start nodding their heads repeatedly. Aidan found them very interesting and liked to recount how "the guanas ate the pineapple off the ground." He only just announced to me a few minutes ago that he "love"s to look at pictures of iguanas.

Unlike the iguanas or other creatures with olive skin, we (the Grahams) all got sunburned. Is anyone who has ever seen my family surprised by a fact like that? Ironically, and you might not believe it to see and know me now, I was once a skinny, bronze little blonde. Actually, it was really just for one summer before I started high school. There was a time, however, when I swam or laid by the pool for hours everyday in our South Florida neighborhood after spraying or smearing generous amounts of suntan oil on my 5 foot 6 inch, 105 pound body. (I did not eat much and was also doing many rebellious things at the time.) Frankly, there is little to admire in that era of my life, but I could've used the tan skin while we were there, because after the first day in Aruba, David, the kids, and I were tee-shirt wearers in order to protect ourselves from the agressive rays of the sun.

So, since anything I say about the trip will be boring, I'll just post a few photos to keep things lively. I can only say that while trips like this are very cool and make special memories, for pregnant and pasty people like me, there really is no place like home. Our family got a little sick and has needed some time to recover (and, in one case, get their voice back). Just the same, our Bishop was standing near me last Saturday at a friend's baptism, and he asked, "So, Sister Graham, how are you liking all that white stuff out there?" I answered him in my husky voice, "Well, I do love home, but the snow sure makes iguanas and palm trees sound a lot better."

Sophie and Aidan enjoyed the beach, both near the resort (above) and at "Baby Beach" (below). Actually, Sophie didn't LOVE baby beach, because it was windy and she was unaccustomed to the salty water sloshing in her face. Also, she may be a bit like her Mom, who does not love sand and the difficulties of managing sand. You can call us party poopers, but I think we may just be industrialists or something. Either way, we like swimming pools (when someone we love is not almost dying in one).

A comment about Baby Beach: It really was beautiful (as was all the ocean water), and if you look very closely at the ant-sized humans, you may notice that the water was quite shallow
for at least a hundred feet. David went very far out (farther than I was comfortable with) before the water began to reach up past his belly. (He was holding Aidan, and I just stared in terror and dreaded the possiblity of my two favorite men floating away together. Again, I really can be a bit of a party pooper. The whole family tolerated me admirably, which I appreciated.)

Another attraction we visited was the Butterfly Farm, which turned out to be just delightful. You can't tell from the photo on the left, but this guy is a gorgeous blue-backed butterfly which typically lives in the jungle. (I don't remember names. Sorry.) A nice view of his "true colors" can be seen in the photo on the right (below). I don't know how they got that photo of him, because he (or she) does not stand still and spread wings for very long. Perhaps it was dead? Or drunk? (It is Aruba...)

The last photo (below) is a fun and famous example of a divi-divi tree. Again, I uploaded the ant-sized version, but if you look closely, you'll see that the trunk of the tree twists and turns and is quite funky. After this photo was taken (Dad has the good poses), David and I walked with Sophie and Aidan back to the resort. It was a beautiful beach, and it quickly proved that Baby Beach is uniquely shallow. Unlike at baby beach, adults stepped into the water here and were up to their shoulders within 20 feet of the shore.

Anyway, the trip was a cool adventure, and, as always, it's fun to hang out with some crazy relatives. So, here's a little shout-out of appreciation to Dad and Shirley for making the whole thing even possible. Thank you, fun people, and welcome home!

This is a test...

2008-01-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is a test to see how quickly I can give an update of the exciting events of our lives. You see, I check blogs when I'm syncing my Palm with my laptop, and I rarely feel like I have time (after the 2-3 hours I've spent checking or paying bills, setting up transfers, etc) to actually update my blog. So, I just enjoy the blogs of others and then listen to my screaming children and return to other practical matters. My daughter has often yelled the following at me: "Your kids are a lot more important than that stupid computer!" I tell her she's right (but let's not use the word "stupid"), and I can't stand how long it takes me either.

So, here are some updates from the past few weeks:

I organized a fireside for our church ward, which took place on Sunday the 20th and was pretty successful. There was a wide variety of talent (styles, instruments, levels), but each number was tender and spiritual. I sang with the choir, which opened and closed the fireside. Overall, it was a relief to have it done, and it was touching to hear the positive response from attendees.

I must mention that one of the songs was "Impossible Dream" from The Man of La Mancha. (I looked for a photo to include, but all I found from the film had Sophia Loren front and center and looking quite cleavy, and I just didn't think it would fit in with my description of the fireside...) Unorthodox? Yes! It was performed by a family band with full strings, some small clicking percussion instrument that sounded like the clomping of a horse, and (gulp) a cymbal. I avoided looking at the Bishop, who was in attendance, and reassured myself that this was a fireside and, if people can speak-sing and belt Mormon pop and call it spiritual, the Jensens can give their inspirational rendition of a show tune. In truth, it was great, and I just basked in everyone's contribution.

Ah, I see my Palm has finished syncing up. Oh well, I'll share a some more...

Aidan got an ear infection this last weekend. It was so sad! Our little buggy came down with a bad cold (and a BAD cough), and a fever kept recurring over a few days. It still took us a little by surprise when he was in and out of bed for over half the night from Saturday to Sunday and was completely inconsolable. After our various attempts to comfort him and get him some rest, he asserted, "I want to go to the doctor!" It was heart wrenching! David took him to the emergency room, and the doctors confirmed that one ear was pretty red and the other was rather pink. Medicine brought healing and relief, though, and he's doing great now.

We purchased an absolutely lovely vehicle: a 2008 Toyota Sienna. We bought new. I know, I know! I have issues with buying new and watching a vehicle's value depreciate before your very eyes as you drive it off the lot, but it was a great option for us. (You don't need to know financial details). Suffice it to say, after the smells of various chemicals wore off (the stuff on the engine and the "Autoshield" chemicals), David yielded custody of the vehicle to me and the kids, and it's delightful to drive. It's quite, comfy, and we haven't had to fill up a gas tank or pay a new insurance payment yet, so the shock of financial changes hasn't hit us quite yet. (Though, that $15,000 down payment felt pretty surreal). Here's a picture of our beaut!

Another update: An old friend from summer stock and BYU classes, Michelle Gardner (formally Marquis), called a few weeks ago and asked if I'd join her in a performance on the 23rd of this month. We sang a few standards for the Springville Chamber of Commerce at the Springville Art Museum in this great room upstairs that is fabulously live, but not echoey. Michelle's expecting her 4th child next month, and I'm showing quite a bit by now, so audience members enjoyed the convexness of our bodies. One man tenderly approached us and said, "It's so cute how you are both in the family way!" I wanted to hug him for using the phrase "in the family way." What a dear!

Anyway, the performance went well (Michelle sounded fantastic, especially at 8 months pregnant!), and it was a relief after the weekend when my head/chest cold peaked and threatened to make things very difficult. (It was exactly the kind of illness which has rendered me speechless in the past). Each day leading up to the performance, I was constantly trying not to stress about my voice. Here's a snippet from my inner monologue: "Have I sung enough today to keep the voice up, but not too much? I don't know. It's sounding pretty husky there. How on earth am I going to sing these songs?" You see, I didn't choose the songs wisely. They were not the kind of songs that a stay-at-home mom who rarely warms up or sings full out would choose. They were the kind of song that an active professional would select. So, what was I thinking when I picked "Blow Gabriel Blow" from Anything Goes and "The Man That Got Away" from A Star is Born? I guess I was thinking I was hot stuff or something. :) Very silly. Happily, once I started working the songs some weeks ago, I decided it was a great challenge and worth the effort to get my voice reprimed.

As an aside, I must say that I rejected the Audra MacDonald version of "Man That Got Away" and chose to sing it straight Judy (even though I'm no Judy). If you're interested in comparing, here they are:

With the help of a thermos full of hot water mixed with grade-B maple syrup, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper, I made my contribution to the night successfully. So, I can now say I've sung an Ethel and a Judy on the same night in a fabulous room with great acoustics and was paid for it. It doesn't get much better than that! It may not be that exciting for others, but it was thrilling for me (and terrifying, I must say. "The Man That Got Away" at our chosen meter of 81 makes the long notes...well, long). And best of all, it's done!

So, this next week brings the excitement of preparing for Sophie's birthday on the 30th and getting ready to leave for Aruba on the 31st. The birthday for Sophie should hopefully be easy. We'll be picking up a few of Sophie's friends on Wednesday evening and heading off to Chuck E' Cheeses for pizza, cake, and games. Let's just hope that we don't have a repeat of Aidan's birthday experience at Chuck E Cheeses where his stomach flu decided to make itself known while we were there. It was sad. So, fingers crossed for no vomiting attacks from any of the short people (especially in the van. Boy, does a $25,000 vehicle bring out the obsessive compulsive in you)! (It also makes you a little heartless, but look at it! Would you not become heartless?)

So, the hard part of the next 5 or 6 days will be preparing for Aruba. We've never traveled so far with the kids, and we'll be stay in a foreign country, so David and I feel daunted. The good news is most things are sold in dollars, English is spoken by everyone in the area, and, according to my Dad, we can drink the water. David and I are sure that, while it may be peanuts compared to the cost of visiting Europe, the natives are making major bucks overcharging foreigners with their "dollars." (We've decided NOT to find out how much the cost of living actually is for natives. It would just ruin the trip for us.)

As I sign off now, I must acknowledge that in the time I've taken to write this epistle I could've hot-synced my Palm 15 times, checked our bank balances, paid a month's worth of bills, and taken the time most people take to update their blogs. Perhaps I should try the method utilized by my witty friends who tell one or two stories maximum with a lot of flare and throw in some great visual aids.

Speaking of, here's one more peak at my favorite visual aid for today...

Gee, that's pretty!

Have you ever been mooned by someone who is less than a foot long?

2008-01-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

I have, and I must say it's a surprisingly pleasant experience.

You see, we had our 20 week ultrasound today (even though I'm 19 weeks and 4 days), and our brilliant ultrasound technician was using her magic wand to determine the condition of our little bundle. After checking the heart rate and measuring the belly (and before doing all of the important medical stuff), she moved her wand around to get a little peak below (or in this case above, as he was "head down"). Well, it's a boy! As a matter of fact, it's so a boy that if for some reason this child came out with different parts, the office would have to return the machine for one doesn't detect imaginary appendages, the technician might be out of a job, or my child may the be greatest prankster of all time - capable of placing a hand or something else so perfectly as to trick us into thinking she had something that wasn't there... Nah! The technician would've caught the bones in the hand. Okay, so it's a boy.

Actually, I have to comment that it's just so funny how we get all excited to take a peak at parts that we are eventually determined to have private. I also think it's funny to compare the girl ultrasound to the boy ultrasound. When it's a girl, the technician has to point out these little lines to you, and you stare for a long time and think to yourself, "Okay, I guess. I mean, I think that makes sense." When you are having a boy, however, all the technician needs to do is give you a bottom view, and you feel a little embarrassed for the poor kid!

On a more important note (but a little less interesting, I know), he is looking healthy and well developed so far. The heart, spine, legs, head circumference, brain cortex, stomach, lips, fluid level, and heart rate all look lovely. So, thus far, we've nothing to worry about (or at least nothing we could doing anything about). And I must say that his profile and cheek bones look as lovely and tall as one would expect from a child of mine and David's. Let's just hope that these cute little monkeys of ours don't hate us for their noses and cheeks by the time they're 18! I fear that adolescence may be as unkind to them as it was to me.

Here's hoping you are all well and feeling grateful for your noses, cheekbones, hearts, spines, brain cortex's, head circumferences, stomachs, lips, and other, uh, unmentionable parts.

I'm so excited to be tagged, and I have no one to tag who hasn't recently been tagged by someone else...

2007-12-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

But anyway, it has been about two months since I've posted anything. Sorry about that. While my dear friends and family would probably enjoy an update on our little clan (it's coming), I am delighted to accept a tag from one of my favoritest people who loves Hello Kitty. Anyway, little lamb, this one's for you:

Five Things I Was Doing Ten Years Ago:

1. Living in Jaro, IloIlo, the Philippines, and serving a mission for the LDS church.
2. Making a weekly treck to Sbarros with a bunch of white people to overpay for undercooked pizza and saucy pasta (the closest I could come to home).
3. Trying desperately to avoid aggressive and very unkind preachers from another Christian faith who stalked us with intent to argue about God, and who would not leave us alone - EVER!
4. Being told by a small, very dirty Filipino boy with black teeth that I had a very small chest.
5. Eating fried milkfish every week with calamansi juice mixed in soy sauce (yummy!), and fighting over the head with the Filipinas. (Many would argue that's better than my fettish for half-developed duck eggs).

Five Things On My To Do List: (Okay, I had to rewrite some of these items to make them sound more interesting, but the actions really are on my to-do list. For real.)

1. Write thank you notes to a bunch of people.
2. Call my visit teaching companion and visiting teachees, again.
3. Practice my recorder for a performance with friends at a Christmas party this Friday.
4. Do some laundry before we end up having to move to a nudist colony.
5. Return New Moon and Eclipse to my friend Holly. (I finished them in September.)

Five Snacks I Enjoy: (I'm going to list a few things that I'd like to enjoy but currently have to severly limit due to my pregnant state and my intense fear of eating too much sugar).

1. Twizzler cherry twisty ropes. (I know that Twizzlers are completely processed and everything, but I swear they put herion in their cherry flavored stuff or something. I just can't get enough of it).
2. Triscuits with chedder cheese and green olives with pimentos.
3. Almonds. The perfect food.
4. Nachos with plenty o' nacho cheese, very heavy on the jalapenos. (Makes my abdomen ache awhile later, but oh so worth it).
5. Cellas cherries made with dark chocolate alternating with Ferrero Rochers. One bite of cherry, one bite of hazelnut. Mmmmmmmmmmm...

Five Things I Would Do If I Were a Billionare:

1. Buy an energy efficient estate with an indoor swimming pool and a racquetball court.
2. Travel overseas at least once every other year, and visit far away family at least 3 or 4 times a year.
3. Replace our vehicles with hybrids.
4. Support the following individuals/organizations: LDS-missionaries from non-LDS families, public television, high quality local theatres, and various other charities
5. Save - I'd do what Tom Cruise does (according to Steve Martin): Every day I'd take a million dollars and just put it away, and at the end of the year, I'd have a little cushion. :)

Three of My Bad Habits:

1. Mulling over past painful experiences. (A rotten habit indeed).
2. Staying up too late.
3. Losing patience and yelling at my kids. (Even more rotten than #1)

Five Places I Have Lived:

1. The Philippines
2. Florida
3. Connecticutt
4. Louisiana
5. Utah

Five Jobs I've Had:

1. Underpaid actress in a union house
2. Compaq admin at Modus Media
3. Cafe worker at a natural foods store
4. Housekeeper at a bed-and-breakfast inn
5. Server at a Sizzler

Five Things People Probably Don't Know About Me:

1. Though I love performing, part of me wishes I had gotten a BA in Linguistics (studying at least Russian, French, and German).
2. I have a life goal to go back and read all of the classics, especially those I fudged with Cliff's Notes in high school. (I confess.)
3. When I'm stressed, half of my thoughts sound like an 'R' rated basketball movie.
4. I occassionally have nightmares about doing drugs or getting drunk, and I wake up terrified for the first few minutes.
5. If I do a show or a performing master class and am away from my children for very long periods of time, I cry A LOT.

I don't yet know who to tag, but I'll find someone. Hmmmm...

Blah blah blah

2007-10-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

While the title of this post is a good description of most of my blog posts, it is actually intended to describe how I feel and not how I talk. I feel blah blah blah.

I won't go on and on about the constant nausea I'm faced with at this time. I won't weigh you down with how hungry I actually am since I only eat very small meals 3 times and day and just nibble on fruit or sip on flavored drinks the rest of the time, because eating full meals would be a waste of good food (I know from past pregnancies).

And why should I force to you relive my restless nights of tossing and turning from one side to another? (Laying supine only increases my nausea. Instead I must tightly hug a pillow into my belly and lay on either side - and I'm not a side sleeper). How insensitive and immature that would be!

Yes, there are so many wonderful women in the world who are unable to have children. Yes, I, unlike some of my relatives, only start feeling sick at 5 weeks and am done by 18 or 20 weeks. And yes, I have the cutest, most helpful husband on the planet who wakes up early enough each day to be with the kids and help Sophie get ready on school days. Finally, my children are so patient. They let me lay around while they play with each other or watch movies or PBS Kids (and they only make crazy messes about 70% of the time). I am truly blessed.

And I still feel sick. Thank goodness for you that I've decided to restrain myself and not complain too much.

Pre-emptive Update

2007-10-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

I thought I should let my dear friends and family know before Sophie announces it to the rest of her neighbors, classmates, teachers, and church friends. I feel pretty icky, so it's kind of hard to hide.

In a much bigger version, it's easy to the see the little plus sign in the result window. But who wants to have a huge, oh so clear picture of a pregnancy test on their blog? Hopefully, it makes the point just the same.

So assuming nothing unfortunate happens with this pregnancy, here's evidence of Short Person #3 to come. (Sophie already calls him/her "little baby", but I prefer the name "lizard" - because that's how he/she looks right now).

I wish I could say that showing the positive pregnancy test as a means of announcing the condition is completely original, but this method was recently used by one of my best friends to announce her pregnancy to us. I'll flatter myself that I'm almost a clever as she is, though, since we used the same method in 2001 to announce our first pregnancy to local family members. We carried a printed up picture of the test to a family dinner, and passed it to members as we saw them. David's brother, Michael, particularly enjoyed the surprise. He said, "I looked down and thought, 'That's a cool toothbrush...uh, I mean, whoa!'"

In the meantime, here are some more promised photos of the family. Enjoy!

Sophie enjoyed using every single barrette to decorate her head. I actually thought it was pretty cool, but David was more practical minded and knew it would result in much hair loss when the barrettes were taken out. Sophie hasn't complained since, though, and her lovely head is still covered with many lovely, naturally highlighted locks.

This passed-out person was found on our upstairs couch after we went away to South Jordan in late July for a weekend. Apparently, Aidan got tired.

This last photo was taken on a beautiful Friday morning in August when David had just walked to receive his MBA from BYU. We were crazy proud of him, and he looked terribly handsome to me (as usual). I will not include any photos of me in a dress that I thought was flattering but was sorely mistaken. No big deal!

Anecdotes...

2007-09-26T14:41:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to share some of these little anecdotes with you. Some of you may have heard these, but hopefully at least one will be new to someone. Here they are:

A few Saturdays ago, David was upstairs on the top level, Sophie and I were in the family room, and Aidan was alone in the playroom. I can only imagine that he was enjoying his knight's castle set (complete with little plastic battle axes), and Sophie's tiny princess dolls (what are knights without damsels, no?). Suddenly I hear Aidan have the following exchange with himself: "Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair to me!" (Large pause) "Okay!"

Last week, Aidan and I spent the morning in the office while I filed at least 6 months of old bills and important documents. I loved getting the huge job done, and Aidan loved playing preschool games on the computer with me only an arm's length away and willing to help at any time. When Sophie came home and joined us, Aidan started choosing more complicated games, and Sophie wanted to help. I wanted her to help, because I was just 30 minutes away from a more organized office than I'd had in ages. Sophie said, "Aidan, can I please help you?" I pleaded, "Aidan, will you please let Sophie help you with the game?" Aidan looked at each of us and then began to throw and huge, loud fit. Sophie's response to that: "I think that's a 'no.'"

On Monday evening, we were returning from a fundraiser spaghetti dinner for Springville High, and we got on the subject of Halloween costumes. David and I were making suggestions, and Sophie was expressing her interest and distaste at the ideas. Suddenly, Sophie got on the subject of scarecrows. "We should have a scarecrow. Mommy, if we ever have a garden, we should have a scarecrow." David suggested, "YOU should dress as a scarecrow" (clearly still thinking Halloween) to which Sophie responded, "Then I'd have to stay outside all night and all day."

And those are just the ones I can remember right now...

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

2007-09-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have to start by saying that the line which inspired that title ("They're baaaaack!" from Poltergeist 2) is one of the most ridiculous lines in the history of film. Okay, it's not like "Congo" ridiculous, but the first Poltergeist is such a classic; and putting that line in the second film felt like a mockery of the original film. Though I'm getting more sensitive to gore in my old age (couldn't stomach Pirates of the Caribbean 2, so I didn't even go to number 3), the first Poltergeist film is one of the greats to me. It's truly frightening, even with the cheap effects with the poor geeky scientist tearing his face apart while looking in the mirror, and eventually he's, WOW, a plastic skeleton with foam rubber on it. Pure genius! In truth, the second film was pretty good too (except for the cheap Hollywood line), though it kind of had a "suggesting Mormons" thing going with the evil self-proclaimed prophet who leads a bunch of pioneers into the desert only to bury themselves alive - just... creepy. Okay, so maybe I don't really like that one, but, hey, I'm a sucker for scary movies that leave you chilled (i.e. Poltergeist, The Mothman Prophecies) without having blasphemed against everything you believe in (i.e. The Exorcist - superior film making, yes, but in a word - evil).

Oh, I've missed blogging! To rejoice in the beauty of a great tangent, even before the blog has really started...

Anyway, I'm back. Did you miss me? Life has been wild, good, stressful, tiring, but we're doing pretty well, and I realized that I have no right to get impatient waiting for my friends' updates to their blogs if I'm unwilling to update my own blog (even if the audience is much smaller and will have to be formally invited back).

David had a wonderful trip to Europe (see photos), finished his MBA classes at the end of June, and walked in August. It was a special, rather early morning (the convocation exercise started at 8:00 AM). David looked very handsome in his cap and gown, and just being there to see him complete the journey was worth the early rise. (And his brother, Michael, was a godsend and a huge treat for the kids). It's great to have David home in the evenings and sleeping at normal hours. He's enjoying the change, and work is going pretty well for him; but it's pretty stressful too. As usual, though, he looks great.

Sophie and Aidan had a pretty good summer (though it felt eternal, really). They both started swim lessons, and Sophie progressed pretty well. (Note for next summer: Take the kids to a heated pool or sign up for classes at the latest hour in the hottest time of year - Aidan was a grumpy little popsicle and did not progress that much. But he did cling to me a lot, which is almost more pleasant in water than on land). We all played a million games together, read lots of books, watched appalling amounts of TV and children's film, and ate way too many otter pops (it was excessive). I hate otter pops now.

Now, Sophie is in kindergarten and is really enjoying it. I listen and empathize and try to minimize my advice when I hear about the saga of Andrew, Kelsie, and Sophie (kind of a little love triangle). Sophie is doing well, though, as Andrew clearly considers her a friend. Also, while Sophie thinks Andrew is swell, she does not openly profess it to the self-proclaimed shy man - a wise choice in any lady. I have yet to meet this Andrew, but I will volunteer at school tomorrow and may give a small update if there is anything interesting to say about him.

In the meantime, Aidan really loves Blue's Big Musical Movie (featuring Ray Charles as G-Clef, although my favorite song is "Steve's Got a Silly Hat" complete with a little flamenco dance by Steve), Dora the Explorer , and the "geletons" and "gary things" at Sam's Club and Walmart. If you give him the chance, he'll explain that the "geletons" don't say anything, and the "gary things" aren't really "gary." (Mommy just says they are for an effect).

By the way, potty training is not really a big concern of mine. And thank goodness for that because the initiative Aidan once had (of which I boasted) is gone. Maybe when I'm feeling daring I'll try the "let him run around with a naked bottom and see how that motivates him" method, but really why on earth would I do that? I'm sure I'll be the only one it motivates.

That's about it. Well that's not it, but do you really need to hear about how chaotically messy the house was for weeks and my not too occasional anxiety attacks OR my recent inability to stop obsessing over old friends and acquaintances who I was fine knowing nothing about and now learn that many have completely changed directions in their lives? So uninteresting to you folks, I'm sure. But, it's fall (hurray), and I hope to provide lovely Halloween photos before long and maybe a surprise or two by Christmas.

Oh, and P.S. - I'm totally going to start watching "Heroes" this year, because David is watching the season premiere even as I type this, and Sark from "Alias" is on it now. Really, who could possibly miss that? I swear it's not just about his looks. He's just fun. I almost said that it's cool how short he is and yet so confident; but then I checked IMDB, and he's 6 feet tall. Wow! I wouldn't be writing 'thank yous' to the camera man for that show.

Spring, American Idol, Classic Rock, Victor Frankl

2007-03-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

There is so much to share after all this time. It's just nutty how you finish the holidays and think, "Gee, what a relief to finish that whirlwind season" only to realize within weeks that you've entered a new whirlwind. I'm not complaining, though. The faster and more meaningful these months are, the sooner I get to share more evenings with my snuggy husband. Yes, we are, as I'm sure I've previously mentioned (at least a million times), in the home stretch. Come April 1st and we have only three months remaining in David's EMBA program. I'm conveniently pretending that two of those weeks in May won't involve me going solo here whilst David will "toil" in Europe. (Long story...will share it another time).

After his classes are completed at the end of June, we plan to celebrate Independence Day (which will suddenly have a double meaning), enjoy a couple of normal weeks, and then take a lovely long drive to California to see family, friends, and...Buzz Lightyear, perhaps? Who knows what oversize, Spongy Disney character will come up and terrify my children in July, but I look forward to the inevitable snuggles that will result.

So, to the subject of this post, we are just two days from Spring, and Utah is taking this very seriously. This is also not a complaint. It is just gorgeous out here!! The tulips are so close to popping out their pretty little heads, and the sky is clear as...well day. We had an awkward little picnic on the grass today in our extremely and already slightly overgrown backyard, and I couldn't believe that it wasn't April yet. Of course it is so sun-drenched in the morning and early afternoon in our yard that we could probably start a tomato farm and open up a salsa plant. It might be wiser for me to tempt the kids with indoor activities until after 3:Pm so that we don't go broke from having to purchase gallons of sunscreen. Still, the excess of rays is a definite improvement over the windowless environment of our playroom, which now takes no less than two hours to clean due to WAY TOO MANY TOYS WITH ACCESSORIES. Did that sound overdramatic? You come on down and give it a shot! You'd go nuts (if your own children's accessories haven't already driven you so)!

On to the next subject: American Idol. What can I say? I'm sure it surprises no one that I LOVE American Idol. I didn't watch it very often during the first few seasons, but I got really hooked the year that Kim Underwood and Bo Bice were in the mix; and the rest is history.

For non-Idol-watchers, do you know who coached the contestants and then performed on Idol last week? THE Diana Ross. I don't know if my sister and Mom can remember, but I adored her as a child and used to play one of her albums over and over... What a legend! And those lucky contestants had the chance to be coached by her with her huge hair and slightly worn vocal chords. But, wow! It was exciting, and they have some truly sensational vocalists this year. I think Melinda Doolittle and Lakisha Jones are both worthy of winning, but I have a feeling Jordin Sparks, the AMAZING and gorgeous 17 year old sweetie, may give them a run for their money...unless the vocal coach they have for Idol doesn't ruin Jordin's technique. This may not mean much to anyone else, but something happened last year with Katherine McPhee that infuriated me to no end. When she entered the contest, she was solid and had fantastic, healthy technique, AND she sounded amazing. In the final six weeks that approached the finals she started to sing more and more like Leann Rimes, who, despite her resilience and natural talent, is a painfully unhealthy singer. (Well, I don't know how healthy her pipes actually are, but I just get a sore throat every time I hear her sing. Ouch!) Anyway, Jordin sounded ultra-strong and practically flawless to me every week before last, and then, oh so suddenly, she comes in with this heavy, hard sound, banging her chords against each other with such force... Am I boring you guys? Okay, I'll get off the voice teacher soap box. It's just annoying, and if another singer goes by the wayside as I felt Kat McPhee did, then I'll just have to sob for another fallen vocalist.

Do any of you know how much I really love 70's and 80's rock? A lot.

Finally, on to Victor Frankl: I read the most wonderful book last month, I would like to highly recommend it to everyone I love...which means you guys. It is called Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, and it is such a powerful, amazing book. Frankl was a psychiatrist and neurologist who founded a form of therapy called "logotherapy." He was also a Holocaust survivor. You would expect his book, which chronicles and analyzes some of his experiences in the concentrations camps (he was in a few, I believe, including Auschwitz), would be a huge downer; but it was very, very inspiring. I would call his "logotherapy" therapy for those unwilling to pity themselves. Rather than focusing on the origin of trials and placing blame, he emphasized finding meaning in love and the unavoidable challenges in life, and taking responsibility for your choices and actions. It was just amazing, and I know I've failed to sell it. But if any of you have some time to spare (the book is a pretty easy and fast read), I doubt you'd regret it. Even if you're not big on self-improvement books (which this one hardly is - it's more of an inspirational/memoir/science book), I'm sure you'd be glad you read it.

I guess that's most of my update. Wait, I didn't say much about David and the kids. David is doing great and surviving his perpetually sleep deprived state with impressively good looks. :) He is also making a great impression on a number of classmates and co-workers, and it's opening some good doors for him. Since I don't know how much or how little to share (and I don't pretend to understand all of the doors that are opening for him), suffice it to say, he is doing very well, and we're so grateful for and proud of him.

Sophie continues to have a small crush on the 14/15 year old who lives across the street, named TJ (I'm sure she'll mention him to you sometime). She has expressed that she hopes to marry him someday when she's grown up, and we've gently explained that 10 years is quite a gap in age for a couple. I think I was exactly like her. I adored teenage boys when I was a little girl. Hey, I adored them when I was a big girl. I just really liked boys, and now I just like one (well, two - one tall and one rather short). Sophie is also really doing quite well at spelling. Often, if we ask her to do something, she responds with "N-O, M-O-M/D-A-D." It is a little hard to discipline when you are swelling with pride.

Aidan is so gorgeous that I sometimes want to eat him. He is also very fun and sweet. The other day David was video-taping him in the playroom playing with his Medieval Castle set. He was eating many knights and a marionette with a ferocious dragon and screaming joyously. He says many things, and is very self-motivated in toilet-training. He has been using the toilet at least a few times a day, at his own request, and we're applauding every little baby step. As always, he and Sophie love each other so much.

And I'm doing my thing. Cleaning, playing with kids, cleaning, reading with kids, cleaning, arguing with kids... You know, the usual. Then, in the evenings I relish the time to read, write in my journal (my new crush), and get on the elliptical or do some Pilate's while watching my shows. (Or I drag myself down to my cave to work on finances, etc.) I love it most of the time, and when I don't love it, I have some wonderful friends to laugh with over it. I love the women in my church ward. They are a blast, and I sneak out to as many Relief Society Activities as I can for the friendships.

I bet it sounds like I'm pretty blessed. I guess I am. Of course, the chances of me coming down here to update the blog while I'm going insane in the middle of a crazy week are pretty slim. So, let's say, I'm blessed, just like all of you, and I'm often stressed, just like all of you.

And I love and miss all of you. :)

Birthdays, birthdays...

2007-01-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

I look forward to a time when birthdays are not so much stress. But, really who am I kidding?

As you all know, so far our only two children have their birthdays in January - Aidan on the 2nd and Sophie on the 30th. Aidan was very low stress. He was truly surprised when we pulled out a bunch of gifts for him and had a little cake and sang "Happy Birthday" to him. (Incidentally, his current way of saying "Happy Birthday" to people is "happy to you.") He couldn't believe the attention (as if he doesn't already get tons of it daily), and it actually took some coaxing to open each new gift. (This too shall pass). We had a lovely breakfast, followed by presents and cake, and then we headed off to Salt Lake to spend a couple of hours at Discovery Gateway, the new children's museum. Then we rushed back to Provo to get David to school on time. All in all, it was a lovely day.

The following Sunday, the 7th, we had a birthday dinner with David's family (with cousins and an Aunt and Uncle present, no less). Once again, Aidan thought it was bizarre, and, again, he needed to be coaxed into unwrapping his gifts. (Though, this time it was due to one gift particularly catching his attention over the others). The times were good, the cake was rich, I gained weight, etc. We had fun.

Just yesterday, we attended another birthday party, this time for Rachael and Annie. It was less work and less stress (at least for us - I can't speak for them), and it seemed to be a lovely time for all. Rachael is one of those cute people who doesn't mind most or all of her birthday gifts having a little more to do with another birthday than her own. What I mean to imply, and to inform those who don't know yet, is that Raydees is pregnant! And all of her gifts had something to do with the baby. She got maternity clothes, a body pillow, and some other baby stuff I can't remember right now; but she was as happy as a clam. Even though she's only 16 weeks, she is such a naturally skinny human being that she is already bumpy. I wish I had a photo. It is so cute!

Annie was herself, happy to share the spotlight with another on her birthday. It is charming, and don't tell anyone, but she had a big birthday this year. I won't say the number, but in the year she was born the CIA was established. How do you like them apples! And I gotta say, she looks good!

Now, I mentioned stress, and yet these previous birthdays have been low/no stress. BUT... the stress and excitement will come. So, if I took a survey today on the streets, I might ask the following question, "Is it more stressful to give a birthday party with a large number of guests, or to limit the guest list to 5 and force your daughter to choose?" I might put my vote in for the 2nd option after this week. I feel like I'm torturing her. Ironically, 3 of her 4 favorites are in kindergarten, and are older than her. This only presents a problem for scheduling the party because one of those three girls attends kindergarten in the morning, and the other two go in the afternoon. Also, on the following Saturday morning (an ideal compromise), her favorite friend will be out of town. But, we'll work that out, I believe.

The real stress for me comes when Sophie wants to fill that 5th guest spot, just because. We agreed that she'd just party with preschool friends at preschool (which is fine with the teacher), since a) her closest friends are not actually in her preschool class, and b) she couldn't possibly choose just 5 from that group. By the way, this is going to be a girly Princess party - no boys allowed, even if you adore a lot of the boys at church and school and would have so much fun playing with them. You're right, why am I concerned about this? It only facilitates narrowing the list down.

Still on the guest list - there are four girls in her church primary class, but she hardly knows any of them, and singling one out is hard, and when we do (I say, when, not if, because Sophie has made it clear that she plans to fill that last spot with mystery CTR 5 girl), we will have to be sneaky about it so as not to hurt the feelings of others. We'll have to sneak the invite to them after church on Sunday, so they don't get excited and tell the other girls. Sigh...

Okay, where is all of this anxiety of mine coming from? I'll fess up. I hate birthday parties with friends. I mean, I don't really. But I did not have luck with birthday parties as a child. I remember pictures from my 5th birthday (I think it was my 5th) in Lake Worth, Florida; and really all I remember is that I was bratty and thought that I should have everything at the party, even the guests' party toys! (Also, I was a crazily awkward little girl, and I don't think I looked very pretty in those pictures).

The pinnacle of disappointment for me with birthday parties, however, (and this is not family-only parties, which I love!) was some years later. Honestly, I don't know where we were - Connecticut, Florida? Can't remember the age, grade, or state. But, I wanted a birthday party, and I invited all of the kids in my class. I think it was at a park or something, and it would've been really fun. Instead, the number of guests that actually showed was --- you guessed it, one. (Okay, for those of you who guessed none, please don't ever tell me you guessed that, because I may faint from insecurity, UNLESS something like that happened to you, and I promise I'd take you in my arms and hold you and cry for awhile with you...)

It's okay. We made a fun day of it. I don't remember much else of the day, except that we spent some time with that girl and her family. But, only one guest actually showing. Yikes! Does it surprise anyone that I'm the most insecure correspondent ever, and that I'm completely weirded by those birthday parties my friends have where, say, 100 of their good friends show up. I don't know whether to go mute from confusion or turn green with envy.

So, I digress back to Sophie. She is so much like me, but I am hoping in the best ways. I don't think that my whole class hated me or anything. I actually doubt that I knew any of them that well. We moved quite a bit, we didn't do formal RSVP's for parents, the invites went out late, I just wasn't a popular kid, etc. Or maybe it was just the childhood of an awkward person. How terrifying it is to think that your little baby might face the same kind of rejection you once faced.

All I can say is, if Sophie continues to love others and herself the way she currently does, she'll have at least a few really good guests at her little parties. If she's anything like David and me, that will be all she needs.

Happy Birthday to You!!!

2006-12-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

There are so many birthdays in December, I'm just going to send out a big Happy Birthday to each of you (that I can remember). This is not to replace any ecard or snail card, I send. It's just 'cause!

One of my favoritest and bestest friends is having a birthday today, December 12! Happy Birthday my little Jannah lamb! As they say in the fields, "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Happy Birthday also to Maria-Noelle on the 14th! Kenny will be getting older on the 20th! Looking good for your age there, Kenny! (Assuming you look about the same since we saw each other last year.)

Then, this Christmas Eve, my little step-sister Nicole will be 29. (Right Shirley?) The poor dear has spent her whole life, and will have to continue to spend the remainder of her life, with a too easily overlooked birthday. But, we love her so much, and we love her taste in birthday cakes. I hope I can be there next year to partake of the 30th one.

Incidentally, Christmas Eve is also the Anniversary of the marriage of Christina and Kenny. They will be celebrating 16 happy years! Oh my gosh, you guys have been married that long? That's just weird! I've only been married 7 1/2 years. Of course, the old folks have been married longer than all of us, but it often works out that way, doesn't it. :)

I believe there are a couple of Au's I'm leaving out, but please ask them to forgive me, Jannah?

Am I missing anyone else?

Well, Happy Birthday, Snug people. We love you all and we wish we could have a cake with you. We are already indulging enough this month. What's another tasty dessert? :)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

2006-12-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

Like so many, I am full of such mixed emotions at Christmas time. Since I have kids and a desire to always make Christmas special for them and David, my biggest and foremost emotion is anxiety. That is to say, I'm anxious to plan and work and make things great. It's not completely negative.

My second emotion is excitement. You see, David and I often plan to make big, exciting purchases at Christmas, and I get almost as excited about my KitchenAid Food Processor as Sophie gets about her play kitchen or DVDs. (This year, I'm craving a Palm Tx, which we'll be saving up Christmas funds for. It's a little expensive - as in $250-$300 expensive). Of course, this excitement is coupled with materialistic covetousness, which is then added to by extreme guilt over the covetous nature I suddenly have at the most precious and would-be spiritual time of the year. Of course, those emotions are now a three-some and no longer a couple (if you ignore anxiety and craving).

Okay, so the tally so far is:
Anxiety
Excitement (often considered a simile to anxiety)
Covetous materialism, or materialistic covetousness (I think these are both terms I just made up)
Guilt

Okay, moving on. (By the way, thanks for your indulgence on my syntax and grammar.) So, the next emotion is melancholy. I have always been and always will be without someone very dear to me at the holidays. Aren't we all? When I was a child, my biggest wish at Christmas was presents. Now it's family. This is going to be a very special Christmas, because it will be the first Christmas in years since I've been able to be with my mother on Christmas Day. I'm so excited. Of course, I'll be away from my Dad and my sister and their respective families. In all families, and especially in families with divorce, being with one person or group means not being with someone else. Marriage and in-laws only compound the issue, no matter how wonderful they are and how much you love them.

I'm going to stop on the emotions, at least the negative. I could elaborate on jealousy, loneliness, frustration, stress, etc., but what a miserable Christmas we'd all have if I decided to go into one of my wordy (to state it lightly) discourses on the negative emotions connected with the holidays.

My positive emotions include hope, joy, mirth (is that an emotion, or is it more a state of being?) My greatest emotion right now is gratitude. I'm so grateful I get to be with my Mom at Christmas. I'm soooooooooooooo grateful that David is on vacation from school until January 2, and that he'll only have 6 more months of school from that point on. I'm grateful David is employed and supporting this family so well. I'm grateful that my kids are healthy and extremely gorgeous, and that I have the blessing and privilege of spending my days with two people that I love so intensely. (And then I get to see the love of my life at night). I'm grateful to be thinner this Christmas. Here's hoping I can stay thinner and lose even more after the holidays. That makes me grateful for my elliptical and American Idol, a powerful combination. :)

I'm grateful for Christmas music and decorations, even if we've yet to get all of our decorations up. I'm grateful that even though I'll be missing some people this Christmas, I'll still be able to be with family that I love very much (particularly my Mom, but also my lovely in-laws; and I really do love them all very much). Because of the circumstances, I'm especially grateful for phones, the USPS, and the internet.

I hope that my short and incomplete list not only helps some or all of you feel more grateful, but that it communicates how much you each mean to us. Life and family are about compromise, and we'll always have to compromise at the holidays. It's part of really enjoying the people we have, though (as in - not blaming them for not being someone else). But, all of you who will be far away are truly missed.

In that extremely sappy spirit, I'd like to dedicate a Christmas song to you. I'll be singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" tonight at our church Christmas party (in a VERY deep and husky, still-recovering-from-a-cold voice). I purchased and printed the original (though not first draft) version sung by Judy Garland in "Meet Me in St. Louis." (Judy will be proud of my husk!) I forgot how melancholy the piece is. "In a year, our troubles will be out of sight." "Until then, we'll just have to muddle through somehow." I love the song, but to that I say, "Phooey!" I have no intention of muddling through anything.

So, I'd like to dedicate the more popular lyrics to you all (from the Frank Sinatra version), despite my purist nature. "Through the years, we all will be together if the fates allow. Hang a shining star upon the highest bow, and have yourself a merry little Christmas now." I'm just starting the get the last word of the song - now. Not yesterday or tomorrow, but now.

Love you all and Merry Christmas!

Getting sick around the holidays...

2006-11-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

This is certainly not a post meant to bring anyone down. It's actually a rant and a fish for empathy. Does anyone else think it's just ridiculous that at the time you are most anxious to have a good time with friends and loved ones, you are also most likely to become ill. What's that all about? I'm sitting here in my mismatched pajamas and my husband's slippers contemplating all of things I'd like to do to prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas; and I've got an icky throat and have been exhausted all day long. It hasn't been the worst day, but it's hard not to be a little bummed that I'm going to have to practice some mind over matter this Thanksgiving in order to successfully get my pies baked. Sheesh!

Okay, no more ranting. By way of an update, we're doing great. We're crazy excited about a 4 day weekend, David is almost over his sickness, Sophie is pretty much over hers, Aidan seems to be a little gunky but getting out of the woods, and I'm just dealing with a touch of a cold (so far). Inside my head I've been thinking, "Maybe this means we'll be completely healthy for December and Christmas." Would be great! Last year we were coughing lots and Aidan was Mr. Drippy at the Nose during our Christmas visit back East. He still got plenty of snuggles from loved ones, but they were having to dodge the nose quite a bit.

On the upside of things, I have the perfect excuse to snuggle up in bed with my copy of Jane Austen's Persuasion. (See included photo of the delightful birthday gift I received from a Princess friend of mine). Gee, I forgot how difficult that book was to read, and I'm marveling again at how brilliant the 1995 film is! Nick Dear must've just known the book inside and out when he sat down and penned the screenplay, because much like Sense and Sensibility, the book is not exactly brimming over with easy to adapt scenes and dialogue. It's largely descriptions of events and scenes with a brilliant quote here and there. But Dear included every perfect moment, thought, or phrase in the film. It is one of my top 5 favorite films of all time.

Back to the book, I'm definitely humbled by the difficulty of Austen's prose. Mansfield Park, my second favorite Austen, is a much easier read (though with a less rapturous ending for my taste). I always prefer when people marry out of their bloodline, and Frederick, despite his interest in Louisa, was still more constant in his feelings than Edmund was. If you've not had a chance to savour the books or the films (and are hence confused by my commentary), please consider this post a teaser and go read and watch them! (But beware of some shocking moments in Mansfield Park!) I highly recommend them, especially if you find yourself all gunky in the throat at holiday time!

We love you all and wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving Day! Despite feeling a little under the weather today, I have felt almost intoxicated with the love I have in my life. I couldn't wish for more delicious offspring and or a snuggier husband, and lately I've felt really grateful for wonderful family and friends. You all mean a lot to the Buggy Grahams!

"I think you're some kind of deviated prevert..."

2006-11-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

It has been a crazy week, but there have been fun moments despite it all. But first, I want to wish a Happy Birthday to my cousin Luc and a Happy Anniversary to Aunt Gloria and Uncle Pete. We love you all even if it'll be awhile before we see each other.

I hope that everyone had the opportunity to vote and that at least some, if not all of your choice candidates, were successful in winning their races. I'll not discuss the folks I voted for, because though most of us actually have similar political personalities, talking politics amongst family is just not fun from my experience. :)

What is fun, however, is talking political film, especially if it includes a whole lot of quotes. Well, on election day, as I left the voting station at the elementary school and headed over to pick up Sophie from preschool, I turned on NPR, which I rarely do. The program was a radio show called Radio West, and the host was talking with a poli-sci professor and a couple of film people from the area about politically themed films. They discussed favorite political films and invited callers to phone in their ideas. If you're interested in their lists, the URL for the show and episode is the following:
http://www.publicbroadcasting.net/kuer/news/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=992230&sectionID=184
I hope it works for you, because, though there was no quoting and bantering back and forth, just reading the lists of recommended films makes you nostalgic for your favorites. As I listened (with many interruptions), I was anxious to hear my favorite political film mentioned. I never heard it, so finally, I was able to call it in. Dr. Strangelove.

I will confess, on a scale of 1-10 of easy to difficult films, I would actually give DS a 6 or 7. It just takes a while to realize that everyone is kind of joking. Well, the filmmakers are joking, not the characters. As I've discussed with Dad, and as many of you might of observed, it is so similar in plot and theme to Failsafe. I checked IMDB, and it came out in the same year, and both films were based on completely different books. Obviously, one is a drama and the other is farce, and they're both great films. But, while Failsafe, which I haven't seen since I was a teenager, is just sobering and contemplative, I think that Dr. Strangelove is just chilling. As painfully funny as it is to see Slim Pickins riding a nuclear weapon with a good ol' "yeeeeeee-haaaaaw!", it is chilling to imagine that such distruction is even possible. I'm grateful to know that we have good people looking out for us, and so, I guess my thoughts are --- vote!!

Okay, no more soapbox stuff (which was completely unplanned). Instead, I want movie quotes. So, here's my invite. If you have a favorite movie quote from a politically themed film, be it funny or inspirational, please take a moment to post a comment in response to this posting (so that we may all share in the joy). I'll start by sharing my favorites (at least that I can think of for now).

Dr. Strangelove: "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room!"
"You know what I think?! I think you're some kind of deviated prevert. I think General Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts."
"Well, it's good that you're fine and I'm fine. I agree with you, it's great to be fine."

Dave: "Hail to the chief, he's the one we all say 'hail' to. We all say 'hail' cause he keeps himself so clean!"
"Imagine that the entire United States of America is in the car."

Wag the Dog: "There are two things I know to be true. There's no difference between good flan and bad flan, and there is no war."

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington: "No, sir,...I yielded the floor once before, if you can remember, and I was practically never heard of again. No sir. And we might as well all get together on this yielding business right off the bat, now."

"I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine."

I hope some of you find a few minutes to post a quote. Love to you all!

Drama Queen

2006-11-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know where my kids get their dramatic nature!

This is definitely funnier in person, but I hope you'll find some humor in this. Sophie used to have the most delightful Teddy Bear that her Aunt Christina gifted her. It was tie-dyed pink, purple, and white, and his name was Dumbledore. In his left palm you could press a button, and he'd sing Brahms' lullaby to you (well, he'd play the tune). Unfortunately the most horrible thing happened last spring at a community event called the Teddy Bear picnic. You guessed it - she lost him. We searched for months, contacted the lost and found at the library (where the picnic was), and we finally gave up the fight. Yes, even in Utah things will be stolen. I can't really believe a parent would allow their child to go home with someone else's Teddy Bear, but that's what appears to have happened.

Well, we went to the Build-A-Bear workshop and got a new bear that she also named Dumbledore. He's a beautiful bear, though I confess that the old Dumbledore was cooler, especially since "he" (the original) was designed to be a "she." Still, Sophie has been pleased with Dumbledore II.

Now, I have the most delightful digital piano with many tunes programmed into it, including Brahms' lullaby. Sophie loves to play the various tunes. So, the other day, a new acting exercise started. (I'm trying to be sensitive to tender feelings, but I'm an actress, and I know an acting exercise when I see one). Sophie is at the piano while I'm at the computer, and she plays the Brahms lullaby and points out to me that it's the tune the old Dumbledore used to play (forget the fact that the new Dumbledore and Aidan's stuffed monkey, George, also play the tune). Suddenly I hear the unmistakable sound of keening. She begins with a low moan and the sound crescendos into this passionate weep. I reach out to her, and she lets me hold her for a few minutes. Then she returns to the piano, catharsis complete.

Today, I'm sitting at the computer setting up this blog when I hear Brahms' lullaby followed by the same sound. Yes, keening. If you don't know what it is, you should look it up. It's something the Irish do when they're mourning. I only wish you could see the tears budding in the corners of her squinting eyes as she does this.

Really, I think I'm a decent actress. But, she's good.

2006-11-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

Hello.

This is delightful!

Thank you for the invitation to Blog with you. ;)

Welcome to our blog!

2006-11-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

I hate to be trendy, but I've loved reading my friend's blog from time to time, and I thought this might be a more usable alternative to the old website to help us stay in touch (until/unless something better comes along).

So, I'll start with Halloween. Sophie and David decided that she would dress up as The Corpse Bride (see Tim Burton film of that name). She was just darling.

We almost decided to make Aidan a fireman, and we got him a very cute, happily inexpensive costume, but it occured to me that he would probably not be dressing up as furry animals much longer, so we stuck with original plan - a giraffe. Was it worth it? If you think he's cute in the picture, imagine picking him up and snuggling him. Very fun!

David and I did the typical "we probably won't dress up and so let's focus ont he kids" thing, which was then followed by the "gee, Halloween is tomorrow and it would be disappointing to not dress up" thing. Anyway, we ended dressing up as Spike and Dru from the Buffy TV series. Unfortunately, with how hectic everything was that evening, we did not take photos. But we were at least as attractive as they were. (I think we were. :) Also, I got some really great new skirts from the whole "shopping for Dru-ish clothing. Love that!

Well, that's it for now, but I love the idea of sharing tidbits and photos from our family without tying up everyone's servers and inboxes. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do.